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Newest Member: scorchedearth (60708)

User Topic: Living in a fantasy bubble...I feel like Glinda
♀ 40110
Member # 40110
Content  Posted: 12:58 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey everyone-
I haven't posted in a while. I have been mostly trolling every day reading the heartbreaking stories of each and everyone's experiences.
My story in a nutshell: SO left email open, I saw the damning emails, he denied denied denied, I dug dug dug, confrontation, "yes I did meet her and get a BJ", I dug dug dug, he admits he has a problem...12 steps later...
So- my post today is I need a dose of some reality...
Things for he and I are great. Sound weird? He immediately went to IC, and a CSAT (is that right??), he joined a 12 step group, and we both have found our faith (after LONG absences for each of us, that's another story).
He is completely transparent, remorseful, apologetic.
We communicate about everything. He is attentive, kind, thoughtful, romantic, intimate...(he was this way before DDay as well, but ever more so now).
I am happy we are working so hard on our reconciliation.
Am I living in a fantasy world??
No- we haven't approached full disclosure--we are going to do that in front of our couples counselor in the near future.
I am in IC as well, and I am attending my own 12 step "anon" group.
I just want to know- has there been stories like mine on this site? Can couples get through this like we are?
I'm hopeful, optimistic, apprehensive-- but I am also happy...happy that I am able to look beyond the SA of my SO, and instead see the amazing man that is emerging.
Have a great Thursday everyone!

So Confused, Hurt, Humiliated...
But strong...
DDay #1 06/23/13
DDay #2 08/05/2013
DDay #5 02/08/14
DDay #3 08/12/13
DDay #4 08/13/13 get the idea

Married Sept 14 2015
Fully in R
But, do the questions EVER end??

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Fremont
♀ 30086
Member # 30086
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Sweetie. Anything is possible. But there's a whole lot that's not likely.

Usually when an SA slips up and you find something, it's because the iceberg just got so big that it was sticking out of the water. Been there, done that. Three years later we are still together, but I'm going to be recovering for many more years. I can't say for certainty that we will get through it.

Yes, you can get through this, but you need to be prepared. If your bubble is where you need to be right now, I completely respect that. I highly suggest you make sure that you are making yourself strong inside that bubble. No one can say they guarantee anything, but I am 99.99999% certain that in the next year or so, depending on how much work your SA is actually putting in and not just rolling along with, you are going to find out things that are going to blow your mind and strip back a lot of the beliefs of what you thought your marriage was and who you thought your spouse was.

Your life was not what you thought it was. That doesn't say anything about you. It does say a lot about him. Be strong.

Me - BW (38) Him (calcitro) - SAWH (38)
2 Kids Working on R
DDay#1 - 11/9/10 - 2 year EA/PA
DDay #2 - 12/9/10
Disclosure - 4/8/11
Timeline - 5/9/11

Posts: 505 | Registered: Nov 2010
♀ 40462
Member # 40462
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that your questioning of your feelings is a good thing. Maybe your spouse is more remorseful than others, maybe he is on a high right now and will hit a low later, or you. I think you sould enjoy your positive feelings, but keep checking on them. Don't expect that you will not get low again, I find it makes it all the harder when I have those waves. Understanding the ups and downs and talking to your spouse about them will help you continue to move forward.

I'm glad to see someone feeling good now though. Good for you, really.

Best of luck.

me, BW: 37
FWH: 38
together 19 years, M 13 years
Dday: Feb 2013
LTA for 2+years
children: 2 boys age 6 and 9

Posts: 530 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nova Scotia, Canada
♀ 40769
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hold on to good feelings as they come. Trust your gut, a understand that there will be highs and lows.
Go ahead and ride the highs, but always keep a watch on what your instincts are telling you.

You need to try defying gravity.

Sorry, couldn't help the reference.

Just call me Wonder

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

The axe "forgets"- the tree remembers.

Divorced and super good with that
Me- FBS 42
Him- EX!! 38
17 years
2 DS- 15 and 16
DDay 1- 07-24-2013

Posts: 1242 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
Topic Posts: 4

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