This Topic is Archived
bionicgal (original poster member #39803) posted at 8:02 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013
I had a feeling seeing the OW over the weekend was going to spark a contact. Sure enough, I get a group text from her today (with 3 other people we used to hang out with) about a mutual friend/acquaintance's elderly father passing, and did I/we want to "plan something" for her? (Not a close friend of mine, at all, but a close friend of OW.) None of the other people on the group text know about the A, although this acquaintance does as she is a close friend of OW.
So, WTF?? And what do I do? She is either 1.) crazy 2.) mean or 3.) stupid. Or, some combo of the three. My H is NC, but I have contacted her once since dday, she wrote me an apology, and her husband and I do the communicating if something needs to be said between our families.
I never said "Do not contact me" to her, but doesn't that kind of go without saying? So, do I send a short: "Please remove me from your contact list," or do I just give her crickets and block her #? I am afraid if I block her then when people respond to the group text they'll get the blocked msg as well?
Or, I could just out her to everyone in the group. Ha. (If there weren't kids involved, I would.)
me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.
Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 8:04 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013
Let's see. We are in recon, so I can't say what I would say.
So, I'd "say what I would say" and then block her. I don't think anyone in the group will get a blocked message.
Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
niaveone ( member #40317) posted at 8:13 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013
I would respond back "I will do something on my own. OW, take me off your contact list NOW and don't you EVER send me another blessed thing again"
Then when the other people private message you asking what's up. Tell them. It's not your secret to hold.
But that's coming from someone who outed her WS's affair on FB. On my page. On WS's page. And on OW's page. Then private messaged her immediate family just for good measure.
So I might be a little more ballsy then the typical BS. Take that into consideration when you hear my advise. lol.
[This message edited by niaveone at 2:15 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]
Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 24 years
2 children
2 DDays
Reconciling
NeverAgain2013 ( member #38121) posted at 9:09 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013
I would send back a text saying, "The Verizon customer (or whatever carrier you have) you wish to reach has chosen to block all contact from this number."
Let her think it came from your carrier - she won't know the difference.
Then IMMEDIATELY block her with your carrier.
I'm with Verizon and we have the option to block up to 5 numbers for a 90 day period for no charge. You just have to remember to go in every 3 months and reinsert her number and the 90 day block starts all over again.
It's tons of fun.
In either event, make sure that the second you send the text, you're doing whatever it takes to block her. If she tries to reply to your text, she'll just get a system block message from your carrier.
Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.
TheAmazingWondertwin ( member #40769) posted at 9:46 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013
It seems to be she is reaching for some sign that what's she did is "okay"
She did it with the passing of a friend ( what an a-hole you'd be to ignore that, right?) and she included you on a group list so it seems friendly ( and what an a- hole you'd be to be so rude to her).
She's probably testing the waters to see just how far she can push the "pretend it never happened thing"
I agree that you should message bak a clear but calm reply. Group message be damned. Who cares if others question? It's her eff up,, not yours.
"Please take me out of your contact list."
If anyone else asks why, tell them they can ask her.
And I would leave it at that. I am a firm believer that the less attention paid to the OW or OM, the better.
But know this... That move was calculated and wants a response from you. Keep it minimal.
Just call me Wonder
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
The axe "forgets"- the tree remembers.
Divorced and super good with tha
2 DS- 15 and 16
DDay 1- 07-24-2013
DDay 2- June something or other 2017
BeyondBreaking ( member #38020) posted at 10:12 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013
Because the two of you have friends in common, I would not respond and block her.
The only reason I would not say, "don't contact me again," or something to that effect is because she may very well go to a mutual friend who doesn't know about the A, and try to play like you are the bad guy.
I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."
Zayda1 ( member #35387) posted at 10:31 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013
Crickets and block her. No explanation needed for her or your mutual friends.
Married 10 years, together for 12 years
2 children (9 years & 6 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)
bionicgal (original poster member #39803) posted at 11:55 PM on Thursday, October 17th, 2013
So freaking irritating. She has a lot of gall, or lives in a fantasy world.
Thanks for all the replies. I'll talk about it with mr.bionicgal and decide what to do. I love the creative ideas, but am leaning towards crickets (which would probably irritate her more, but leave my boundaries unstated) or just asking her privately to delete me from her contacts. (Which I am afraid gives her just a teensy bit of attention that she apparently needs, but would state my boundaries.)
[This message edited by bionicgal at 5:57 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]
me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.
Smokehouse ( member #40203) posted at 4:58 AM on Friday, October 18th, 2013
I say very tacky and whorish of her. Why would she think it's okay to include you in a group text. Was it a mistake and now she knows to take you out of the group. Doubtful!
I think she feels above it all, thinks she is all better now since she apologized. She should feel the shame for the rest of her life!
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 12:36 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2013
Smokehouse -
Please remember to follow the guidelines when posting.
There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum.
Thank you
SorrowBhindSmile ( member #38139) posted at 3:38 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2013
She is totally fishing.
Or, some combo of the three.
Yeah...I'm going with that!!!!
In my case OW was a friend as well. She pulled similar stuff on me for a long time...trying to continually insinuate herself into my life....this OW sounds to be doing the same to you. Don't bite. I'm inclined to agree with crickets. Shes itching like crazy...don't scratch!!
Sucks when the OW is a friend, huh?? Make's things all the more difficult. I took things a step further...and i have removed all mutual friends from my life. The way i see it.....anyone that could even possibly be a friend or supportive to her is clearly no friend of mine. And they arent worth my time.
hugs to you!!
Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"
LA44 ( member #38384) posted at 6:22 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2013
I know its the middle of the day but....I hear crickets.
Crickets and block her!
If after not responding a friend asks why you did not respond (and I find most of my friends too busy to even notice this type of thing), then you can say, "Oh, I did my own thing for the deceased". Then change subject!
If you ever ever get pushed on something like this, then I would say, "ask AP, she can tell you."
Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear
bionicgal (original poster member #39803) posted at 10:17 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2013
After the drama fest of yesterday, I decided to double-confirm the group text came from her. It appeared to, but I wasn't 100% sure. Well, turns out it didn't. So, a lot of adrenaline released for nothing, and now I feel like she got a "Bye" somehow because she isn't quite as crazy as I feared. I am trying to feel relieved, but what I feel is numb.
me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.
TheAmazingWondertwin ( member #40769) posted at 10:49 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2013
And these are the things that drive is batty.
One small thing and it sends us on a tangent. I'm sorry, I know that technically "she didn't do anything" but the stress if these little things can send us into a tailspin.
You handled yourself admirably.
Hugs
Just call me Wonder
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
The axe "forgets"- the tree remembers.
Divorced and super good with tha
2 DS- 15 and 16
DDay 1- 07-24-2013
DDay 2- June something or other 2017
ILINIA ( member #39836) posted at 11:13 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2013
I'm sure that took a lot out of you. I would still block her if you haven't already, so your mind can be at ease.
sri624 ( member #33956) posted at 7:03 AM on Saturday, October 19th, 2013
these ow know exactly what they are doing, and yes she is fishing. that is what ow do. she didnt accidently include you, or not know...nothing like that. she knew clearly what she was doing. people dont make mistakes like that.
i say go crickets. it will drive her nuts wondering if you received her text...it will.
i think remaining silent also screams a much more powerful message back that she is simply irrelevant.
my husband ow sent me a couple emails...trying to be nice...a "friend"...she even sent him an anonymous letter to his job...after she "promised" me she wouldnt contact him again. we both ignored her.
BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance
This Topic is Archived