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OW text - fishing? Advice needed.

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bionicgal posted 10/17/2013 14:02 PM

I had a feeling seeing the OW over the weekend was going to spark a contact. Sure enough, I get a group text from her today (with 3 other people we used to hang out with) about a mutual friend/acquaintance's elderly father passing, and did I/we want to "plan something" for her? (Not a close friend of mine, at all, but a close friend of OW.) None of the other people on the group text know about the A, although this acquaintance does as she is a close friend of OW.

So, WTF?? And what do I do? She is either 1.) crazy 2.) mean or 3.) stupid. Or, some combo of the three. My H is NC, but I have contacted her once since dday, she wrote me an apology, and her husband and I do the communicating if something needs to be said between our families.

I never said "Do not contact me" to her, but doesn't that kind of go without saying? So, do I send a short: "Please remove me from your contact list," or do I just give her crickets and block her #? I am afraid if I block her then when people respond to the group text they'll get the blocked msg as well?

Or, I could just out her to everyone in the group. Ha. (If there weren't kids involved, I would.)

Rebreather posted 10/17/2013 14:04 PM

Let's see. We are in recon, so I can't say what I would say.

So, I'd "say what I would say" and then block her. I don't think anyone in the group will get a blocked message.

niaveone posted 10/17/2013 14:13 PM

I would respond back "I will do something on my own. OW, take me off your contact list NOW and don't you EVER send me another blessed thing again"

Then when the other people private message you asking what's up. Tell them. It's not your secret to hold.

But that's coming from someone who outed her WS's affair on FB. On my page. On WS's page. And on OW's page. Then private messaged her immediate family just for good measure.

So I might be a little more ballsy then the typical BS. Take that into consideration when you hear my advise. lol.

[This message edited by niaveone at 2:15 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]

NeverAgain2013 posted 10/17/2013 15:09 PM

I would send back a text saying, "The Verizon customer (or whatever carrier you have) you wish to reach has chosen to block all contact from this number."

Let her think it came from your carrier - she won't know the difference.

Then IMMEDIATELY block her with your carrier.

I'm with Verizon and we have the option to block up to 5 numbers for a 90 day period for no charge. You just have to remember to go in every 3 months and reinsert her number and the 90 day block starts all over again.

It's tons of fun.

In either event, make sure that the second you send the text, you're doing whatever it takes to block her. If she tries to reply to your text, she'll just get a system block message from your carrier.

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 10/17/2013 15:46 PM

It seems to be she is reaching for some sign that what's she did is "okay"
She did it with the passing of a friend ( what an a-hole you'd be to ignore that, right?) and she included you on a group list so it seems friendly ( and what an a- hole you'd be to be so rude to her).
She's probably testing the waters to see just how far she can push the "pretend it never happened thing"

I agree that you should message bak a clear but calm reply. Group message be damned. Who cares if others question? It's her eff up,, not yours.
"Please take me out of your contact list."
If anyone else asks why, tell them they can ask her.
And I would leave it at that. I am a firm believer that the less attention paid to the OW or OM, the better.
But know this... That move was calculated and wants a response from you. Keep it minimal.

BeyondBreaking posted 10/17/2013 16:12 PM

Because the two of you have friends in common, I would not respond and block her.

The only reason I would not say, "don't contact me again," or something to that effect is because she may very well go to a mutual friend who doesn't know about the A, and try to play like you are the bad guy.

Zayda1 posted 10/17/2013 16:31 PM

Crickets and block her. No explanation needed for her or your mutual friends.

bionicgal posted 10/17/2013 17:55 PM

So freaking irritating. She has a lot of gall, or lives in a fantasy world.

Thanks for all the replies. I'll talk about it with mr.bionicgal and decide what to do. I love the creative ideas, but am leaning towards crickets (which would probably irritate her more, but leave my boundaries unstated) or just asking her privately to delete me from her contacts. (Which I am afraid gives her just a teensy bit of attention that she apparently needs, but would state my boundaries.)

[This message edited by bionicgal at 5:57 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]

Smokehouse posted 10/17/2013 22:58 PM

I say very tacky and whorish of her. Why would she think it's okay to include you in a group text. Was it a mistake and now she knows to take you out of the group. Doubtful!

I think she feels above it all, thinks she is all better now since she apologized. She should feel the shame for the rest of her life!

jo2love posted 10/18/2013 06:36 AM

Smokehouse -

Please remember to follow the guidelines when posting.

There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum.

Thank you

SorrowBhindSmile posted 10/18/2013 09:38 AM

She is totally fishing.

Or, some combo of the three.

Yeah...I'm going with that!!!!

In my case OW was a friend as well. She pulled similar stuff on me for a long time...trying to continually insinuate herself into my life....this OW sounds to be doing the same to you. Don't bite. I'm inclined to agree with crickets. Shes itching like crazy...don't scratch!!

Sucks when the OW is a friend, huh?? Make's things all the more difficult. I took things a step further...and i have removed all mutual friends from my life. The way i see it.....anyone that could even possibly be a friend or supportive to her is clearly no friend of mine. And they arent worth my time.

hugs to you!!

LA44 posted 10/18/2013 12:22 PM

I know its the middle of the day but....I hear crickets.

Crickets and block her!

If after not responding a friend asks why you did not respond (and I find most of my friends too busy to even notice this type of thing), then you can say, "Oh, I did my own thing for the deceased". Then change subject!

If you ever ever get pushed on something like this, then I would say, "ask AP, she can tell you."

bionicgal posted 10/18/2013 16:17 PM

After the drama fest of yesterday, I decided to double-confirm the group text came from her. It appeared to, but I wasn't 100% sure. Well, turns out it didn't. So, a lot of adrenaline released for nothing, and now I feel like she got a "Bye" somehow because she isn't quite as crazy as I feared. I am trying to feel relieved, but what I feel is numb.

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 10/18/2013 16:49 PM

And these are the things that drive is batty.
One small thing and it sends us on a tangent. I'm sorry, I know that technically "she didn't do anything" but the stress if these little things can send us into a tailspin.
You handled yourself admirably.

ILINIA posted 10/18/2013 17:13 PM

I'm sure that took a lot out of you. I would still block her if you haven't already, so your mind can be at ease.

sri624 posted 10/19/2013 01:03 AM

these ow know exactly what they are doing, and yes she is fishing. that is what ow do. she didnt accidently include you, or not know...nothing like that. she knew clearly what she was doing. people dont make mistakes like that.

i say go crickets. it will drive her nuts wondering if you received her will.

i think remaining silent also screams a much more powerful message back that she is simply irrelevant.

my husband ow sent me a couple emails...trying to be nice...a "friend"...she even sent him an anonymous letter to his job...after she "promised" me she wouldnt contact him again. we both ignored her.

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