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Have I found the guy?

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InTheRabbitHole posted 10/17/2013 14:06 PM

So after a couple of years of shitty relationships and not putting my needs first I decided to work on myself. I spent lots of time thinking about what I wanted out of life and how I needed to get there.

Then, wham, someone fell into it. I've never been so compatible with a person before. My heart and gut are telling me that this guy is the one, but there is that little bit that is so scared still of getting hurt.

He is everything I want in a partner and more. He is a good man with a good heart. We've talked about marriage and kids and the future and we agree on it all. I'm afraid it's all too good to be true. But only a little bit.

We have had disagreements and came out ok. We talk each other to sleep at night and never seem to run out of things to say. Silences are comfortable, not awkward.

Have I finally healed and moved on? Have I met the right person to move on with? I know that only I can answer these questions, and I think I have with a resounding yes. It is so exciting and terrifying all at once. Giving someone the power to destroy me all over again. But I really don't think that he will do that.

Newlease posted 10/17/2013 15:17 PM

You won't be destroyed. You are too strong for that. Try to just enjoy what is happening now. The future will be whatever it will be and you will be able to handle it.

I'm happy for you!

NL

Snapdragon posted 10/17/2013 18:58 PM

Life is all about taking risks. You take the chance of being destroyed every time you get out of bed in the morning. You take thousands of risks every day.

After some number of years of experiences (that varies for everyone) we all learn how to minimize our risks. We wear seatbelts, we don't give our PIN numbers out to people, we take relationship building slow and steady.

My advice is to enjoy this time. Enjoy your new relationship. Like driving, keep an eye out down the road for obstacles. But sing along to the radio in the mean time.

Enough analogies?

better4me posted 10/17/2013 19:12 PM

The best things in life are very often exciting and terrifying at the same time. Moving out of our parents' home to go to college. Having a baby. Taking a new job. You sound like you've done a lot of work on you. Enjoy the "now".

cmego posted 10/17/2013 19:34 PM

My IC and I were discussing something similar, my fear of really jumping into a relationship.

We discussed that things are very different now. I will never be completely financially dependent on a man again. I will never have to start my life over again, I will never be as naive as I was in my marriage, or allow shit to go as far as it did.

No one will destroy me again. If I can survive the shit storm I have survived over the last 3+ years...I can survive anything.

People can only destroy you if you let them.

LeopoldB posted 10/17/2013 21:32 PM

Very tough call, but what is the alternative to trusting your instinct and opening your heart? I suppose you could finagle some arrangement to have him cryogenically frozen while you make up your mind or amass more information to go on. I do not know whether that would contribute to having a meaningful relationship in the future as he might not see it the same way.

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