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Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: Have I found the guy?
InTheRabbitHole
♀ 19319
Member # 19319
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So after a couple of years of shitty relationships and not putting my needs first I decided to work on myself. I spent lots of time thinking about what I wanted out of life and how I needed to get there.

Then, wham, someone fell into it. I've never been so compatible with a person before. My heart and gut are telling me that this guy is the one, but there is that little bit that is so scared still of getting hurt.

He is everything I want in a partner and more. He is a good man with a good heart. We've talked about marriage and kids and the future and we agree on it all. I'm afraid it's all too good to be true. But only a little bit.

We have had disagreements and came out ok. We talk each other to sleep at night and never seem to run out of things to say. Silences are comfortable, not awkward.

Have I finally healed and moved on? Have I met the right person to move on with? I know that only I can answer these questions, and I think I have with a resounding yes. It is so exciting and terrifying all at once. Giving someone the power to destroy me all over again. But I really don't think that he will do that.


Posts: 202 | Registered: Apr 2008
Newlease
♀ 7767
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You won't be destroyed. You are too strong for that. Try to just enjoy what is happening now. The future will be whatever it will be and you will be able to handle it.

I'm happy for you!

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7807 | Registered: Aug 2005
Snapdragon
♀ 4286
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Life is all about taking risks. You take the chance of being destroyed every time you get out of bed in the morning. You take thousands of risks every day.

After some number of years of experiences (that varies for everyone) we all learn how to minimize our risks. We wear seatbelts, we don't give our PIN numbers out to people, we take relationship building slow and steady.

My advice is to enjoy this time. Enjoy your new relationship. Like driving, keep an eye out down the road for obstacles. But sing along to the radio in the mean time.

Enough analogies?


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3095 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
better4me
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The best things in life are very often exciting and terrifying at the same time. Moving out of our parents' home to go to college. Having a baby. Taking a new job. You sound like you've done a lot of work on you. Enjoy the "now".


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:53
Divorced

Posts: 3267 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My IC and I were discussing something similar, my fear of really jumping into a relationship.

We discussed that things are very different now. I will never be completely financially dependent on a man again. I will never have to start my life over again, I will never be as naive as I was in my marriage, or allow shit to go as far as it did.

No one will destroy me again. If I can survive the shit storm I have survived over the last 3+ years...I can survive anything.

People can only destroy you if you let them.


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4283 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
LeopoldB
♂ 40606
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very tough call, but what is the alternative to trusting your instinct and opening your heart? I suppose you could finagle some arrangement to have him cryogenically frozen while you make up your mind or amass more information to go on. I do not know whether that would contribute to having a meaningful relationship in the future as he might not see it the same way.

Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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