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Yup, this says it's my first post... it's not though. I lost my original login information. I'm not even sure where to start. Let me start with WH is an ass!
I have been through the whole situation and stomach turning events too many times. Only once, no, twice has he had a full on A. I have however busted him making inappropriate comments to women on fb or through text, emailing them off craigslist, and looking to hookup with whatever he can find, up to and including clients. I can honestly say I don't think he has EVER been faithful in the entire 10 years of our relationship. The saddest part is not only do I know he is incapable of being faithful, but I know I'm trapped. I do not have a job that can support me and my children, and I do not have any family support. He will keep doing this and I will stay because it's better than being on the street. I have thought about having an A myself, but that's just not me. Plus, who wants a broken mother of 2 with lots of baggage. I'm usually numb... there is no longer the surprise of discovering another lie, the stomach churning feeling hardly makes its appearance anymore. He knows I'm stuck too, he seems to like to keep it that way. I'm just tired of living this way. *end vent*

You may feel stuck, but that's a defeatist attitude and you can improve that. I don't want to make light of how you feel, but anyone can make a job change, plus your husband is responsible to support you and your children IF you did decide to split. Have you seen a lawyer to discuss your rights? You should. When I went, he didn't even charge me.

Went to a lawyer she put it pretty plainly too. Basically it takes both of us to pay the bills. But I'd have to pay for a lawyer since he does have family support (his uncle is a lawyer) He also told me he'd take my kids since I wouldn't be able to afford legal counsel or pay my bills.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. (((hugs))) My WH is an ass too! I know exactly what you're talking about...feeling stuck. I am too. I am so tired of having to live a lie and I don't have any family left to support me either. For me it's been 30 years (will be 31 in November). I don't know how I got to this point. 30 years and I suspect it was all a lie.

My husband does just about whatever he pleases because he knows my alternative is non-existent. I am not able to work.

However, you are lucky in one respect...it sounds like you are able to get a job if you want. My advice to you is to somehow find a way to get out. Don't let it go on for 20 more years. You can have a life without him. You'll be miserable if you don't. Don't waste your whole life.

I have a job. I actually love my job. It just won't support us and I have not been successful in finding a better paying job.

I am so sorry you are dealing with all of that! I don't have any great legal advice because I don't know much about divorces. But I am sorry and sad that you feel stuck. I'll be thinking about you and hoping things get better for you.

I just wanted to send you a big hug! :)

[This message edited by megs56 at 2:59 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]

Thanks

You should read a book called "Who's Pulling Your Strings". Using the kids as emotional blackmail is a typical move from a manipulator. Especially a desperate one. Not sure it will help you with your current situation but it will help you identify people with these traits in the future and avoid them.

Will check it out, thanks.

Let me start with WH is an ass!

OK Baby - here goes and no SI gently about this!

This one comment tells me everything I need to know about you.

1) You are a student and observer and this is a spot-on assessment. This is a VERY good thing.

2) You’re not candy coating or minimizing his behavior. You are not making excuses for him or blaming yourself for his selfish and stupid decisions. This is a VERY, VERY good thing.

3) You have a wicked sense of humor. This will serve you well and is a VERY, VERY, VERY good thing.

I know right now you don’t know how this will all work out. I have been shaking in the shoes you are in now, so I totally understand. But trust me that it will be OK.

You are overwhelmed and heartbroken.

Start making a plan. Start making lists of what you need to do. Seek the advice of friends and scour the internet.

But the most important thing for you to do is to determine what you want your life to be. Write down things that will bring you peace.

The best way to get unstuck is to make small shifts. Softly lean into your next stage.

Be courageous. Be brave. Keep posting and reading here. Feel the support.

But the most important thing for you to do is to determine what you want your life to be. Write down things that will bring you peace.

Peace... I almost forgot that I'm allowed to have that. Inner peace... sounds appealing. I like the idea of beginning to list things and prioritize. Thanks!

Go back to school. Get an educaion where you don't need him to support you or the kids. I did this with XWH#1 and when I could finally tell him to shove it, I did. I spent 22yrs with an asshole like your asshole and I decided that my life no longer revlved around him and his lying cheating ass. I made it appear that I was doing it for all of us, but I was really doing it for me and my kids. You can do it too!!!

Wish I could go back to school. I've looked in to it a couple times. Sadly we are just above the income level for grants. Looked into loans and WS won't allow it, he tells me it's not worth the debt. Thought about doing it solo.... boy would that piss him off. lol