OW-married mother of 4
D-Day-7/31/13- 6-11 y affair-we have been married 19 y
He was thankful...because he couldn't get to her and she was making him feel like he was crazy.
Nope, not crazy, she was having an A.
He helped me with info which was important to my decision to R and I helped him...he kicked her out and divorced her.
I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.
Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.
Worst day of my life so far, but I was eternally grateful, even if her motives were less than pure. She was looking for a quick and dirty RA. I dodged that bullet, unfortunately not a later one.
WW continued to deny the A even when confronted with direct testimony, for over 12 hours of non-stop interrogation.
I left a message for her BH on a board he is a member of. I know it was seen by them because they erased it.
I suppose it was meaningless on some level because she (the OW) told my husband at the time that she was divorced (they aren't) and she had brought a boyfriend to the conference where she wound up trying to sleep with my husband.
[This message edited by Peaches2013 at 6:16 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]
Apparently he was screwing around on me before we were married, stupid me. Now so many things that he and others said make total sense.
I had already decided to get a divorce but I had to bide my time until the youngest graduated from high school. But I looked up her husband and called him at work. At first he said that he didn't believe me. I gave some interesting details from things I had put together.
I have no idea what came of it and I don't care. I'm rid of the prick.
However, one thing that bothered me for a while is that when the affair was going on, she (at the time) was a supervisor in New Mexico's Children, Youth, and Families Department. A kid died on her watch, a little kid was left in the care of an abusive foster family and was abused to death. I can't help but wonder if it's because she was too busy getting nailed by my now-ex.
You should have seen his face when I brought that little ditty up.
Real reason he didn't want to talk to me is he didn't want me to know everything. He didn't want me to know they were in an open relationship and my husband got played. That is slept around as much as his wife did. See, MOW's spouse has a public job and "thinks" he has a reputation to keep up. My finding out his private life would kill his thought that he had a pedestal to stand on.
Fact of the matter is, everyone thought he was a jackass for other reasons...after I found out about it all and told everyone...it just validated the jackass-ness. Because the jerk let the whole town think his wife was a slut while he was the dedicated husband at home. Ha ha!
[This message edited by niaveone at 10:04 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]
I talked with her (she lives over 1000 miles away) on the phone several times. I found her to be a very attractive, sweet, and humble woman. I would have like to have had a friendship with her but it was not to be.
She was devastated, yet she herself knew something had been awry for a long time. Her H had other APs other than my stupid WW. Yep, she was hurt bad by the truth.
She was always very nice to me on the phone. Never said one bad thing to me. Never blamed the messenger.
Her end game: her WH was a remorseless asshole. She referred to him as a narcissist. She filed when her H began gaslighting and would never tell the truth. They are not reconciling. It really is what happens after D-day which determines the fate of the M, not the A itself.
Good for her. She is a real catch for someone down the road.
[This message edited by MC_Jack at 10:15 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]
me - husband A46
her - wife A42
Married 17 years
D-Day August 2, 2009
3 kids 11, 13, and 15
During the initial D-day period, I was under the impression that the whore and her spouse were separated. In fact, when I first met Whore, she was inquiring about an apartment I had to rent. She said her H was abusive and she needed to get away from him. She even tried to appeal to my sympathy to get me to lower the rent so she could better afford it! Fortunately I didn't fall for that, but she was actually half moved in when I realized something was "going on" with her and my H! I kicked her back out but never did think about the fact her "estranged" H might need to be told.
I did hear she went skulking back to him as her backup meal ticket when her plans with my H didn't work out the way she hoped. But I still didn't contact him then.
Well, after D-day #2, I knew the whore was actually living with her H and so I made an effort to tell him. It was not easy because they "don't do email" and I didn't have any cell phone numbers. He is self-employed as a logger so there was no way to find him "at work." The only options I knew of were to try to call him on the landline phone, or send snail mail.
I tried calling their house when I figured Whore had gone to work, hoping to catch him. But a teenaged boy answered and his father had already left for the day. That kind of freaked me out and I sure didn't want to talk to her kid. So I didn't call there again, but came up with plan B.
I copied several of Whore's voicemails that she left on my H's abandoned Tracphone onto an audio CD, and then I packaged them up and made it look like it was somes sort of UPS shipment a logger might get, hoping this would limit Whore's suspicions so he would open the package rather than her. I included a letter to explain the A and the contents of the package, and asked him to contact me to discuss a bit more.
Well based on the reaction and conversation I had with Whore after that, I am fairly certain he did "get the message." But he never contacted me so I guess I will never really know for sure. My best guess is he did get it, but chose to blame the messenger, or just avoid it all for whatever reasons. I'm still glad I did it and wish I also outed the whore after the first d-day.
After false R I had too much to drink one night and sent MOW some texts after I found out that she had claimed to be pregnant during the A, she had her BH call me and I told him what I had learned. His response to me was "I don't care, I love her". That left me feeling horrible for several reasons. I'd recommend letting them know and then letting them deal with their own partner.
This goes back a little but after DDay 2 I read through emails and OW talked about how her BH was "kissing her ass", begging her to stay and wanting to start a family (before DDay he didn't want kids), he was deployed at the time and supposedly sent her flowers and jewelry too. This is why I felt like I should let him know what was really happening. She insisted on being the one to let him know what was going on and during that second short call there were so many lies I didn't know where to begin...he proved he was only going to believe her version though so that's his decision.
[This message edited by watchtheskyy at 9:04 AM, October 18th (Friday)]
But make no mistake, that would have been item #1 on my hit list HAD there been a betrayed spouse on her end.
You NEED to contact the betrayed husband and let him know the truth. He deserves to know it JUST as you deserved to know it. Just because you mailed something to her house doesn't mean he KNOWS - she probably got it from the mailman first and tore it up.
To not tell her husband is to keep their dirty little secret FOR them.