Thank you for the kind words. Good to know I'm not completely crazy! Though sometimes I feel like it. :)
I think you are right about having the goal. The wildest part was, when he confessed, my first thought was to figure out how to work through it. I believe this man could be the love of my life, and granted we have a lot of growth and communicating to do, but the relationship was wonderful from the start. However, he is very guarded and so, day by day, we were as great as could be. But we didn't talk about serious things a lot, because we were both afraid to dive into it. I think this was a big part of our problem. Hopefully we can repair that now that we know what happens if we don't.
Happy to know it's ok to feel ok/relieved about deciding to work through it all.
[This message edited by AML04 at 7:19 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]
A cautionary tale... my own.
I too found out about my W's A and within a short time found myself nearly back to normal and happy that my world hadn't just fallen apart. I managed to keep that up for nearly 2 years. 2 whole years.
That was when the panic attacks started. That when when the anxiety kicked in, and that was when it all unraveled.
You see, it hadn't gone away. I wasn't over it. In fact, I'd never really delt with it. I cried a little when it first happened. I got angry a little, but I was so happy that she hadn't left me that I just boxed up all of the other feelings and stuck them on a shelf in my head somewhere.
And they ate me alive from the inside out.
I remember thinking back when I first found out that it wasn't that big a deal. So she went and had sex with another guy. I can get over that. I still love her. That's enough, right?
Just... please.... don't make my mistake. Deal with this. Do the counseling. Let yourself feel. And only when you truly understand what his betrayal has done to your M, to you, and to your very soul will you be able to process it and then perhaps heal from it.
[This message edited by ontheslope at 7:45 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]
She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.
At 13 months out, I still think of his A every day. However, as long as I am busy I do not think about it and am my old happy bubbly person. As soon as I am alone though the thoughts start. I have learned to process them, for the most part, and then move on to other more constructive things.
I do want to say though, congrats! For the first 2 months it was all I could do to get out of bed to take my youngest to school. I wasn't capable of functioning at all.
I am the same as you. Generally bubbly and upbeat. I find myself pushing through to my old ways at work with my students, but the alone time is definitely the hardest.
The first few days were definitely the hardest, trying to find out what we would even do. I layed in bed, didn't eat, couldn't sleep, and when I finally did eat, it made me sick. I still a low on energy sometimes and feel a bit down, but am slowly pushing myself through to be my normal self as much as possible. I feel like, with being a teacher, I have to put on a happy face for the students. I'm not good at faking being happy, so I just need to be in a happy place for them. For my relationship, I am the one that is feeling optimistic right now. I am dealing with being cheated on, sure, and that feels horrible. But I love him more than the amount of pain he has caused. He is really struggling with what he has done, so I have to stay strong and positive for both of us. I do this with hope that eventually he will start to come back to himself a bit and then we can really start working.