SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

This happened a few years back and I totally didn't know how to handle it. We ended up moving.

For the past month or so, I kept feeling like I was being watched from this beautifully landscaped area in my neighbor's back yard. There were times I would think I saw a flash of jeans or something moving, but convinced myself I was seeing things. My neighbors are very elderly, so they wouldn't be out there. Their son maintains their yard (obsessively, I might add) and he lives next door to them on the other side. I had started closing the curtains when he was around.

Yesterday, I was just looking outside, as I often do, and I thought I saw a flash of jeans. I saw it again. That's when I told Waywardson there was someone hiding out there in the bushes. So, he gets the dog and takes him out and, sure enough, this totally busted looking guy we've never seen meanders out of the bushes and walks in the house next door.

We're going to talk to the neighbors about it and, if it happens again, we'll call the cops. I won't mess around with that kind of behavior because I know it can accelerate.

I'm just bummed that there's so much sickness in the world.

I forgot to mention that we heard some dogs getting all upset out front the other day and I went to look, since there are NO dogs among our immediate neighbors houses. I opened the blinds and a guy ducked behind a bush next door.

I'm not really that interesting and stuff like this gets old really fast.

Damn...

What a pain in the ass!

What a weirdo, Voyeurs are generall harmless, and really want to avoid confrontation, I would say if you own a shot gun, the next time you see him, you calmly go outside where you know he can see you rack the gun, and stand there on alert for 10 minutes. Don't point it at anything, just be alert and cautious, I bet you won't see him again.

That cachunk chunk sound of a shell being loaded into a shotgun is unmistakeable, and will make any halfway intelligent person run.

I have lived in pretty rural area my whole life with a dad that worked oddball shifts, so we all knew how to operate it, because back then there was no 911. And it would have taken them 30 minutes to find us. More than once My mom, my sister and myself greeted a drunken stranger, or scary mean guy with a shotgun in hand. They don't mess around. The get in their car, and go blasting up that dark deserted road.

OMG. That is disgusting and creepy. You need to get some of those lights that automatically turn on when someone comes near. Put HIM in the spotlight instead of you.

Also, I would get some heavy duty curtains and make sure they are closed at night....

Yuck....definitely let them know next time you go to the police. And voyeurs CAN escalate.....be careful!

That's where a lot of the perverts get their start. It's typically a minor crime, so getting caught is a slap on the wrist. If they get away with it, it emboldens them to go further and further.

You should notify police now and get he and the police acquainted. Then sit in the house and watch back, through a rifle scope.

He's back tonight. DD just saw him when she was out with the dog. He was hiding behind a bush again.

The problem I'm having is that he's smart enough to stay off of the property- at least when we've seen him. So, even though "we" have a voyeur, we haven't caught him on our property, peeping into our windows.

Have you talked with the neighbors yet?? Creepy!

I like the shotgun idea. The first time he steps on your property he's got buckshot where the sun doesn't shine.

I've used the zoom lens on my camera to spy on my voyuer, it happened about twice-when they know you're taking pics of them it bothered the 2 I've dealt with.

Okay. Enough is enough. Talk to the police anyway. It doesn't matter whose property he is on. If he is hiding in the bushes to watch you, that is sick. The police may not be able to arrest him if he is on his property...I don't know what the law is in that regards, but you can at least make a report that he is hiding in the bushes to spy on you. At least inform the police so they have a record of this and be aware that there is something unhealthy about your neighbor. Also, check police records on line on him. Find out if he has an arrest record.

Definitely let the police know. Even if they can't do any arresting (yet), a report will have been made. It's good to document instances.

What a creep! I'm so sorry you all are having to deal with this.

We haven't talked to the neighbors, yet, because they weren't around. The house he seems to be staying at is the home of some very elderly people- caregivers come by several times a day, there. Their son lives on the other side of their house, so H is going to talk to him and let him know what's been going on and what will happen if it continues. If this is someone they've brought in to 'help' with the elderly parents, it's likely he'll be gone right after that conversation takes place, KWIM?

I didn't engage him tonight because it's just me and DD here and my main job is protecting her. If I go outside to engage some perv, I'm not doing my job. As long as there is a physical barrier (walls, doors) between us and him, we are safe. If I choose to remove those barriers by going out and engaging him, then I'm not protecting my child because I'm not protecting myself.

this is awful, I am so sorry you have to deal with this.

I agree with everyone, act quickly, as he will escalate.

tell us what happens, hopefully he is employed by your neighbor and will be gone quickly!!

DON'T go out and confront by yourself! Even if your child is not home! At this point, I would let the police do the confronting (or if your guy talks to the owners of the property).

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 7:18 AM, October 19th (Saturday)]

As soon as you see him in the bushes, call the police. Don't go outside. Let the police find him in the bushes.

They will require his name, and run a background check on him. Do this ASAP. Who knows what he has in his background. I'm not even sure I'd mess with talking with the neighbor's son. The reality is, he won't know this person's background.

If you're worried about causing a rip with the neighbors, well the son isn't around, and you were concerned for your family, in addition his parents.

I hope it goes well. Be safe, and keep us posted.

(((TIKY)))

That's beyond creepy!! I agree about talking to the police, at least if you file some sort of official complaint, it's on record should anything escalate.

I could send Mr. Slithers over and scare the shit out of him

Do you have a phone/digital camera? Next time, walk outside and start taking pictures as fast as your device will cycle. Yell out that you know he's out there and that it's going to be hard to sneak around the neighborhood after you put his pictures up all over the place.

After that, download your pictures and start making flyers on your printer. Tack them up all over the neighborhood with text saying that some creepy stalker is peeping through your windows and that everyone should be on the lookout.

I would be tempted to turn on the lights, pull back the curtains and offer the voyeur the full “Bigger charms the snake with the can-can” dance routine…
But then – seeing me naked is probably cruel and unusual punishment.

All joking aside: The clicking of flashes is a good idea. If you don’t feel safe going out then you can do that through a window. The voyeur will get the hell out of there. Whether you catch him on film or not is not the issue – it’s the shock factor you are after.
Other options: Call the police. Tell them there is someone hiding in the bushes but ask them to come quietly so they can catch him. Don’t tell them it’s a voyeur or that you suspect your neighbor. Act like it could be a burglar. As a former cop: Voyeurs are seen as harmless – burglars you have your gun at the ready…
Can you install a light with a motion sensor? Or a smaller light at the border of your garden? Something that makes his hiding ground less appealing…

Bigger, Waywardson threatened to do the same thing!

We haven't seen him in a couple of days, now. Hopefully, he was just visiting and is gone now.

Of course, I'm shuttered up tight, so I WOULDN'T see him!

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I doubt he is gone. Might just be finding a new hiding spot.

Just want you to be careful. Sorry.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 7:13 AM, October 21st (Monday)]