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Unexpected pain

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41andthankful posted 10/17/2013 21:13 PM

Last year this time my stbxwh was in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I was frantic trying to help him. Numerous dr. visits and even a sleep study. He was just breaking down and crying uncontrollably and had been having these outbursts for a few months. I remember the endless nights of staying up and holding him, checking on him all day during work etc. Fast forward to Feb, our dday. The puzzle pieces fall into place, he was crying over breaking up with the ow. Their last trist was this time last year. Today I feel so hurt that my tear stained shirts and all my worry for him was over another woman. I was physically ill thinking of how he used me, he knew all along what was wrong with him. I had even asked if he was feeling guilty about something. If the affair is such a fantasy as I read here, how does it create such real emotions? I didn't expect to be so hurt or why the thought of this even popped into my head, it feels like dday all over again. I look at him and wonder who the real him is, the one before and after the affair or the one during? How could he let me worry and care for him knowing what he was doing to us? I spent so much time protecting myself from outside dangers only to realize the greatest danger walked right in and lay beside me every night. Why couldn't I see it?

jo2love posted 10/18/2013 16:27 PM

(((41andthankful)))

crazyblindsided posted 10/18/2013 16:31 PM

Why couldn't I see it?

I didn't see it either sweetie. I also don't know who my WH is anymore. I'm so sorry (((41andthankful)))

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 4:32 PM, October 18th (Friday)]

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