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Post nup...anyone have one?

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Momof3under3 posted 10/17/2013 22:01 PM

I'm thinking that if I stayed in my relationship I would like to have one. My wh has cheated multiple times. I have always felt that having a good pre or post nup would take so much of the what if scenarios off the table.
Any thoughts/advice are appreciated.

Heartsick1 posted 10/18/2013 01:05 AM

I do!! I asked for a post nup within weeks of D Day. It was a condition for me to stay. This was a second marriage for each of us, so we both came in with some individual assets. It never occurred to me to obtain one prior, why would I, he was the love of my life.

I thought drafting the post nup it would bring me immediate peace. He obliged, and I have one that does set me up to be a bit more comfortable should our marriage not make it. When I first obtained it, it did bring some immediate short lived relief. As time has gone on, and the up's and down's of R are in full swing, it really is not something that comes to my mind. Every now and then I remember I have it, and am thankful, but ultimately I want a loving committed faithful partner. I do not think any amount of $$$ can replace that type of happiness. I guess if our relationship fails, it is nice to know I wont be as stressed financially, and that what is mine is mine, and what is his is half mine :)))

The biggest thing for me with my FWH agreeing, was that he was very protective of his retirement account in his prior marriage. The fact that he was so eager and willing with me to put it "on the line" was huge.

I say go for it, because even if it lessens your despair a bit, you deserve it, we all do. Just don't expect it to be this HUGE "cure".

All the best to you :)

seekingright2013 posted 10/18/2013 04:13 AM

Hathnofury got one ... She posted detailed info all about it at the time she was doing it. ...I think this was in her original JFO post which turned into a multipage thread.

ILINIA posted 10/18/2013 16:03 PM

Our signing was delayed to early November, but we have one ready to go. Originally, I wanted to have it completed before we started R, but we at least have the document finalized and both of us agree with the terms.

Granted, we know it (spousal support) is only a recommendation for the court, but I see it as a commitment to our marriage and to me. He knows it is my "safety net". He wants me to take a chance on him again, but I wanted to get my ducks in a row first and one was the Post Nup.

WH has even joked about the signing being our commitment ceremony, so I think he gets it as well.

doesitgetbetter posted 10/19/2013 00:25 AM

I don't know.... if the only thing it serves as is a "recommendation to the court", then what level of commitment it is really eliciting from our WS's? I guess probably the same as the "recommendation of our vows" at our marriage ceremony? Something to ponder.

ILINIA posted 10/19/2013 12:36 PM

DIGB - I totally get where you are coming from. It does seem backwards doesn't it?

We know it isn't a guarantee, but for WH and I to talk about this and to go through all our finances, talk with separate lawyers, and come to an agreement, I feel that we returned to working as a team with similar goals.

We live a no-fault state, so if we were to D and were married 10 years. Most likely I would only get 3-5 years of spousal support and a court appointment amount.

Our postnup was written that spousal support would be for the length of the marriage, our incomes would be equalized, and that I am not entitled to give him any spousal support.

If we end up down that path, I am hoping that the post nup will at least nudge/slide a typically judge's ruling more to my favor.

Granted, I wish I was never put in the position, but I am going to do what I can to make sure that I don't get screwed over again.

doesitgetbetter posted 10/19/2013 15:22 PM

It's not that it seems backwards, it just seems like a false sense of security to me. Clearly people who want to cheat will cheat regardless of what the consequences are. And if they are willing to cheat in the first place, then they are willing to do whatever they need to to protect their selfish needs as well. So if they are caught after a post-nup, what makes you think they won't fight it? Like we both said, it's only a suggestion to the court, nothing that will be written in stone. There lies the "false" bit of the false sense of security.

Swing on by the Sep/Div forum and find out how many had post-nups and exactly how much those things didn't help them out before you spend a penny on legal fees. That money might be better spent on MC to help heal the marriage. But that's just my opinion.

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