I wish that I knew if my WH's OW's husband knows. According to our MC, I am not allowed to speak to him if I want to continue to work on our marriage with her. I tried to get ahold of him but early on but couldn't, she blocked me and he is retired and home all the time. Now I am stuck unless I chose to give up on our own marriage. I resent my husband for this because he fought really hard to keep me from telling the OBS. I feel like he is protecting her and himself. I really do like this counselor though I feel like the bad guy so often (today was an great example of that). Since I don't want to divorce and she might be able to help my husband learn to emotionally connect which would help me survive in this marriage, I don't want to give up yet. I've invested 30 years and everything I am in this marriage.
Don't blame yourself for any of this. You were busy carrying his children, recovering from the birth and taking care of twins. He should have been there with you instead of running off to play patty-cake with someone else. If he told you he stopped and he didn't its on him. Has he gone no contact with her now?
[This message edited by LearningToFly at 12:12 AM, October 18th (Friday)]
I waited to tell the other spouse for 3 months...because I thought it was over and had a lot of conflicted feelings about sharing the information. In retrospect I wish I would have done it sooner, because just like in your case, the contact didn't end when I thought it did.
Anyway, I was friends with the other spouse and he was very grateful that I did finally tell him and did not harbor any resentment that I didn't tell him sooner - he said he understood.
I can imagine that the other spouse really wants to know that you got the message. Reach out to him to share information and then end the contact.
BTW, you are not hurting your chances of saving your marriage. He did his best to destroy your marriage when he went out of it. You deserve answers and you deserve the truth, so do what you need to do to get it. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
He's doing the right thing and trying to give you the information you deserve to know.
Very rarely does anyone get the 100% truth from their cheating spouse. I'd get in touch with him ASAP and get the missing puzzle pieces.
I finally contacted the OM's wife after a few months. I truly didn't contact her before because I didn't want her to go through what I went through. The OM wouldn't let it go. I contacted her out of spite for him.
She was so thankful I contacted her. We became friends of sorts. Because of our communication it truly ended.
We don't communicate anymore but I felt I could talk to her because we were in the same boat so to speak.
Good luck. I know how stressful and crazy it can having twins, and at the same time having a husband that cheated with a coworker.
PM me anytime.
Explain the message went to the other inbox
Mention you had a difficult pregnancy and you were informed to avoid stress and a brief bullet point outline.
State what you know in bullet points in terms of how far it went nada rough outline if you have it
Give him your phone number if he wants to contact you or he is more than welcome to contact you by ____
Explai. You would like to share any more information and you feel that it would be a good idea to have both pair of eyes on them. Say something about not informing eachothers spouses about the contact
Don't tell your wayward
If you're going to send it to her husband, please be sure to break it up into paragraphs or he may not be able to navigate through it, either. Most men hating reading greeting cards, so this would be way too much for him to try to read in it's current state.
I'm with Lauren23 - condense this message down to a couple of paragraphs and make it more succinct with only the facts.