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A small vent: people who talk about SO all the time

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Helen of Troy posted 10/18/2013 11:52 AM

Social events where your acquaintance or colleague talks incessantly about their partner this, their partner that. Lunch with one today I started silently counting how many times she mentioned his name. I really wanted to say Who cares!? Are you really so enmeshed that you are unable to have conversation without him in it? No gives a flip if he doesn't like beans or wants to visit this place or that or his plans this weekend. He isn't here and I didn't invite him along, we don't even know him so stfu. Instead, just kept quiet to be polite.

gahurts posted 10/18/2013 12:02 PM

I have a strong urge to call my SO to see what she thinks of this thread.

Sorry - couldn't help it. - Feeling like a smart a$$

ImStillwaiting posted 10/18/2013 13:24 PM

I have an aquaintance that does this so much... she does it in a weird way too.

For instance say her husband's name is John (made up name of course), she won't say John is texting me.

She says My Husband is texting me... it's never his name always My Husband.

Like I should be impressed she's married.

[This message edited by ImStillwaiting at 1:25 PM, October 18th (Friday)]

thyme2go posted 10/18/2013 16:18 PM

Should one never talk of a SO?

Crescita posted 10/18/2013 16:45 PM

Oh t2g, there is a difference! One of my sisters talked about what her SO thought of everything so much I thought he sounded like a big pompous douche. When I finally got to know him he was a normal guy, my sister was just so obsessed with his opinions that she forgot to have her own.

InnerLight posted 10/18/2013 17:07 PM

Talking about SO is one thing. Acting like you've been invaded by a body snatcher is another thing. WGB it sounds like your gf has poor boundaries and has given up her self for the sake of her relationship. She might not be able to recognize her own thoughts, opinions, needs separate from the SO.

It is so disturbing to be with someone like this! I dread this experience with my friends. It's like the sound of doom for my own relationship with these friends.

[This message edited by InnerLight at 5:08 PM, October 18th (Friday)]

stronger08 posted 10/20/2013 03:37 AM

I've been head over heels in love 3 times in my 51 years. The 3rd was my XWW and we all know how that went. Yet the other 2 times were with women who were polar opposites of each other. My first love was with a young lady who was very demure, quiet and very low key. She was quite attractive and did not appreciate the attention she got due to it. She was very introverted as opposed to my extroverted personality. But we clicked instantly. We never really publicly expressed our love for one another. But we could be in a crowded place and lock eyes and I instantly knew I loved her and she loved me. It was on that plain where our love existed. I felt it was pure and easy. Even some people we knew did not know we were together. And that was OK because we did. We did not hide our relationship and expressed our feelings privately. But it was just naturally low key. Being young and stupid I blew that relationship and we kind of drifted apart.

The 2nd time was with a girl who was like the people you mentioned. Very clingy and always hanging onto me. She was very pretty, popular, educated and came from a family with money. But she suffered from confidence issues and was always by my side. At first I thought it was because we were new. She fell in love with me rather quickly. It took me a few months to catch up to her with my feelings. But I did fall in love with her. We were together over a year and she was still all over me. I was always introduced by her as "My BF ---" I was never just ---. It got to the point where I started to hate being around her. And I actually started doing some rather mean things to her because no matter what I did she was always going to be there. She was like an annoying puppy who never left you alone. If I didn't see her for a day or so it was like I was gone for a year when I did. Everything was a spectacle. I tried my best to get her to understand that she was smothering me to no avail. It got to the point that I loved her but I had to get out of the relationship. And when I did I broke her heart and she became kind of a stalker. It was a bad break up that ended when I threatened to file a police report.

Now that I'm older and hopefully wiser I can see that both relationships were not normal. If I had to do it all again I would have put more effort into the first because that was true love for me. It was natural and easy for me. I think if I had put more effort into showing my love for her we could have been together to this day. But there needs to be balance in a relationship. Too much of anything is no good. Individuality is very important in my opinion. It cant be all about ones self or all about the relationship either. I feel that a relationship and love is meant to compliment a persons life, not consume it. Its a very fine line that needs to be walked and very few of the lucky ones find it. Shoot, I'm 51 years old and I am still looking for the one to compliment my life. I haven't found her yet. But I'm still hopeful that one day I will.

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