Hi Trying2013, in short I agree w bionic.
In long...Your note reads as if (gently) you want to save your bf. To be the one to "fix" him. This is not possible no matter how many wonderful things you can say about him.
You say you haven't "crossed that point" of IC or MC. I say, "cross it!" Moreso for him to get IC first. Sounds like he has some internal struggles and that is best left to a therapist.
But since you asked....the first thing our MC had us do was write down (on our own) what our wants + needs were. We should have done this pre-wedding. We then compared notes after that to see where we were connecting. Incidentally, needs are things you are not willing to live w/o ie: honesty.
I wish you both well.