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Taking it Back

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inshockandhurt posted 10/19/2013 03:05 AM

Tonight the moon was beautiful and when I went outside I decided to take back one of the places that was a trigger for me. I went to counseling today and my IC said I should try to make new memories so I tried that tonight. Last year on my birthday I spent the night hanging out with my husband and the OW, not knowing what was going on of course, and we hung out in the parking lot of my apartment complex drinking and talking and ever since I found out I trigger every time I pass the spot that we were hanging out in, which really sucks because it is a place I pass every single day. So tonight when I saw that the moon was so pretty I went inside and asked my husband and our son to come outside with me, we took hot chocolate and sat outside enjoying the pretty moon, cuddling and talking in that same spot. I donít know if it will work but I am hoping that now instead of only seeing that spot as a trigger, I can also see that spot as a symbol of recovery and fun family time. I hope it works and if it does I am going to think of ways to do this with some of my other triggers, even the ones I have been avoiding. Maybe I will still think of my birthday when I see that spot but hopefully now I will also be able to smile remembering the moon and my son being so cute. Thanks for reading.

AFrayedKnot posted 10/19/2013 05:16 AM

That's great. I am a firm believer in take it all back. We have taken back times and places and dates and things. Some have gone great. Some kinda indifferent. We haven't had a bad experience yet though.

If you and your H would be up for it, I might recommend telling him what you are doing and try to plan it together. The working together builds a sense of united purpose and team work. We have found that part of it just as if not more important than the actual taking back.

Good stuff!!!

Raven96 posted 10/19/2013 09:39 AM

I love what you did! The hot chocolate was a perfect touch. I'm so glad you took back YOUR space, and I hope that you always have THIS memory!!

sad12008 posted 10/19/2013 20:58 PM

That's great, isah! I hope the new lovely memory supplants the ugly one...and that you're successful implementing your strategy with other triggers!

WhatsRight posted 10/19/2013 21:05 PM

I too hope you shared with your husband what you were doing.

I can't imagine how much that would mean to him too!

Good for you!

breakingpoint posted 10/19/2013 21:34 PM

Cool idea. I think its really great that you included your husband too.

inshockandhurt posted 10/20/2013 15:14 PM

I didn't actually tell him what I was doing, I am not sure why. I guess I was afraid to ruin it or something. But I am going to talk to him about doing it with other things, and let him know about the other night too. Thanks for your support everyone.

bionicgal posted 10/20/2013 16:48 PM

I love it!
I have taken back my church (in process) a scarf, lots and lots of things at the gym, a gift my husband gave me the day before the first time he slept with OW, kissing, sex, and oh yeah -- my husband. ha ha.

The last one was church, and I say it is in process because I got no sense of relief there yet. But, I will. I am too stubborn to let someone so inconsquential steal anything of value from me. It was a perfect storm of a mistake that it even happened in the first place.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 6:09 PM, October 20th (Sunday)]

33years posted 10/20/2013 21:11 PM

This is my first time here and my very first post. I was touched by your thoughts on "Taking It Back". Excellent idea! There are so many negative triggers that I would love to remove. Thank you, I'm going to try.

Tinker01 posted 10/20/2013 21:46 PM

Thank you all for sharing your stories! They have given me hope that I will find the strength to start taking my moments back!

Tinker01 posted 10/20/2013 21:47 PM

Thank you all for sharing your stories! They have given me hope that I will find the strength to start taking my moments back!

inshockandhurt posted 10/21/2013 14:24 PM

Thanks! I am so glad that you both were helped by this post! I talked to y husband and we are going to start taking everything back. My IC said that I needed to just start making new memories to replace the old ones and try my hardest to stop thinking about the triggers. So that's what I am going to do. I don't know if I will manage it or not with the holidays coming, but I am hopeful. I will post my progress and the stuff that we try.

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 10/21/2013 14:31 PM

SWEET! Im heading to Buffalo Wild Wings!

hubby took me there for a "date" night during the A because I begged him for some "us" time, I obviously didn't know where all of the "us" time had gone- he made tons of trips to the bathroom to text her the whole time. I thought he was ill.

We have been doing great, and after this post..I am motivated!
I am taking back my Spicy Thai Wings!

toughernow posted 10/21/2013 14:55 PM

What a great way to take back control over your memories. I have been inspired by your example. I will try to do the same

bionicgal posted 10/21/2013 15:03 PM

Wondertwin, that first wing might be tough to swallow, but it only gets easier.

Case in point: on our anniversary my H and I ran side-by-side on treadmills at the gym. He had done that with OW, so it was one of my worst triggers ever. Sheer misery....and on our anniversary! I left furious and on the edge of tears.

Today, a little less than a week later we did the same big deal. He even checked in, and I was surprised I was totally fine.

So, have faith ya'll, and keep trying!

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