Below is a page from a book I am reading. I really liked how this was worded. Thought I would pass it on.
I have a term for the
conversations that you and your partner have about his affair. I call these repeated conversations
A huge part of my recovery program is getting into The Mode. You're in The Mode when the victim is running her pump venting and asking questions and the aldulterer is handling her with patience, kindness, sensitivity, gentleness, and love.
Every time the two of you have an in The Mode interaction about his adultery, it is a healing moment. It might not seem to be because the postitive impact is not felt immediately. After one of these conversations, you won't smile and hug your husband and say, "Hey thanks for listening and answering all my questions. That was a real healing moment." Even if he has done a good job and handled himself well, you may still stomp off in a fury with reactivated pain. But underneath, a connection was made.
A little bit of understanding, a little bit of respect, a little bit of trust was created. A little bit of healing took place. When you've had a certain number of these healing moments. the two of you and your marriage will be well on the way to recovering from his adultery.