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Only been 3 weeks... And I don't feel anything at all

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statistic posted 10/19/2013 11:21 AM

I've got a million and one reasons to be mad, sad, etc and I was for the first 2 weeks post D day. For the past week, I've felt nothing of any significance. I think about the lies. Nothing. I picture him with her. Nothing. Did I rug sweep it? Will it all come back? Am I over it? I'm afraid to make any decisions based on how I feel, or rather don't feel, now because it doesn't seem right. Did you go through phases such as this? Please help me understand and know what to expect. I can be in the same room as him and talk about movies or the weather while caring for our daughter (we are still separated) and I don't feel much of anything.

hobbeskat posted 10/19/2013 11:24 AM

It will come back. I felt really similarly after a few weeks. I just felt totally numb. I think it was my brain's way of protecting me from the pain I was in.

Don't panic about this. You may need the mental breathing space from the numbness to get through the next steps. Your feelings will return.

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 10/19/2013 11:34 AM

This was my experience as well. I think I was just so tired if it all, it was so intense, that my mind and body went into almost a functioning coma. Now, as I go through these "lulls" I try to relax a bit and let my mind and body just process.
It will come back- and for me, the contrast between the "numb" and the crash that followed was pretty rough.
All I can say is just hold tight and try to roll through it when it does hit.
Im so sorry that you are going through this. I wish you peace and strength.

[This message edited by Wondertwin at 11:34 AM, October 19th (Saturday)]

statistic posted 10/19/2013 11:46 AM

Thank you for sharing your experience. I feel like I've only got so many emotional, mental, and physical resources and I'm saving them to raise my 3 month old daughter and trying up save my full time job. This is probably why I am so numb. I am taxed out. Did you crash out of the blue? Or did something set it off?

iwillNOT posted 10/19/2013 11:54 AM

After the first couple of weeks, I also felt numb, detached. It lasted about 2 weeks, and now I alternate. I will be numb/detached or even have days I feel better, but then something will set me off, often out of the blue(tv show, new questions or thoughts) and then there will be angry or sad days. Repeat cycle. I must admit that the numbness freaks me out, makes me wonder sometimes what is wrong with me. As wonder twin said, perhaps it is just processing time.

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 10/19/2013 13:40 PM

It was both. One thing that set me off was the "hamster wheel". That's the thoughts in your brain that just WON'T go away. They run NONSTOP and don't go away until I ask my questions.
Another thing was the asking Of questions because of the hamster wheel. I'd feel great that I asked and he answered, the wheel would stop... And then I would process his answers (new info) and would crash again. Either with rage ( that is a whole lotta no fun, but soooooo necessary) or with paranoia (triggers, hamster wheel, etc). Vicious cycles.
I feel that at some point, i definitely grieved. I accepted that things would never be the same, and then I was so incredibly sad for a few days- weeping over our lost memories- it was exactly like mourning a loved one's death.
So I guess, to get back to your question (sorry!)- the roller coaster was such or me that I never knew if it was caused by something or not. It just happened. I have seen patterns that I am trying to learn from so that I can better prep me and my fWH for them, but ... We just never know.
Hang in there... You will be okay.

[This message edited by Wondertwin at 1:42 PM, October 19th (Saturday)]

SerJR posted 10/19/2013 14:20 PM

The lulls are normal and part of the healing journey. Sometimes, we take that emotional pause to allow ourselves to catch up and balance before we move further ahead. It's a way to protect ourselves so that we can grow stronger and face more. If you are familiar with the stages of grief, you will find yourself moving through these stages. It won't be a smooth progression - you will bounce around between stages until your heart and head align towards acceptance. Hang in there - you will get through this.

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