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Newest Member: jaxonraine (61774)

User Topic: Down the rabbit hole I went...
♀ 40769
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Things have been going super. Really great. Lots of talking, openness, good times, new memories.
But i do still trigger( of course I do it's only been three months)- and I share with him when I do.
But this morning, I went down the rabbit hole with one tiny little trigger.
Let me explain...
He has been very open with his passwords, phone, etc.
H has a friend- lets call him Keith. Keith was the "excuse"friend. I cringe when i think about how i nicknamed "keith" his girlfrend because they talked so much. But keith was his excuse- As in "I'm going to Keith's house" or "I just need to call Keith." When he was really with OW. My favorite was "Keith's basement doesn't get service so Ill be out if contact for awhile." Ass.
After Dday, I know that Keith was unaware and actually pretty upset with my H when he found out about the A. And he let my H know it.

They have since been mending things and im glad- Keith is a good friend. But this morning, on WHs phone there was a text from Keith. It just said "home from mass"
Keith travels between our town and his family's home in Massachusetts often for work, etc.
So- I just thought it was weird that he would text to my H that he was home. What are they girlfriends? BOOM! Automatically I envisioned him changing her contact number in his phone to read "Keith" and all of "Keith's" texts were actually from her, all the phone calls, etc etc. I created this entire ruse in my head at 7 am this morning.
I shared it with H, and he was great- gave me his phone, let me see the number, let me call Keith (sorry for the wake up call dude)... And basically reassured me that I have access to any and all communications- he even offered to answer his calls on speaker from now on. It meant the world to me. He did not laugh at my overreaction, he did not scoff or get defensive. He said he was so sorry that his actions made me feel this way.
We were able to really discuss some of my triggers and I was able to explain how I can't really control them and I HATE the way my mind works sometimes. He was incredible about it.
I am wary of getting too comfortable- but it has been a great couple of days and I am just glad he continues to do just the right thing.
He is really working on this. :)

Just call me Wonder

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

The axe "forgets"- the tree remembers.

Divorced and super good with tha
2 DS- 15 and 16
DDay 1- 07-24-2013
DDay 2- June something or other 2017

Posts: 1251 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a GREAT example of how remorse and support are supposed to work. Well done, Mr. Wondertwin. (((hugs))) You guys did great!

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10160 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♂ 36622
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great communication and team work. That's how this is done...together.

BS 42
fWS 38 (SurprisinglyOkay)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2859 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ 18179
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

An "attaboy!" for your H (and sounds like the real Keith deserves a pat on the back, too, in terms of the big picture), and congratulations to you and your fWH for handling a trigger situation together. I second Skan & Chicho's remarks....this is how successful R can happen. This won't be the last trigger, but dealing with them together is what separates success from other outcomes it seems.

You can't fill a cup with no bottom.

Posts: 4195 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
Topic Posts: 4

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