I'm sorry for what has happened, but am glad you are seeking help. I'm not sure if you have read through the Healing Library yet, but suggest it as it contains some great information that will help you make sense of this.
The first thing to think about is how you can take care of yourself. Try to find an emotional support network in real life, consult a counselor or doctor as necessary, and think about things you can do, just for you to get involved back in your life.
Your WH has demonstrated cheating behaviour over his whole life. He can't even hide the fact that he didn't know how selfish it was and the devastation it would cause given your story. He has told you he will stop - I would ask him what is different this time and how he will demonstrate he is committed to the marriage. At the same time, you will have to decide what you are and what you are not willing to put up with, and at what point you will remove yourself from further hurt.
I'm 7 months out from DD, 4 months out from SA diagnosis for my SAWH. It will get a bit easier for you as time passes...try not to judge it by the kind of day you are having. Think about it in terms of "is this better than where we were 1 month ago?" Because day to day, there are ups and downs and you really have to look at a month to see if there is progress or not.
One thing about SA - you say he is going to have to deal with that alone. It would be a mistake to think this is the case. Recovery is more likely if the partner is involved to the extent that they are able and is healthy for them and support the SA's recovery effort even if they choose to leave the relationship. This will be very key to your own healing process. When you are ready, start reading about recovery process and therapy for SA. Knowledge will really help you understand and heal. Please understand that I am by no means telling you that his behavior is ok or he gets a pass. You have to decide what your bottom line is and be willing to enforce your consequences.
The first thing I want to say is do not feel stupid. You were betrayed. Deceived. The person you trusted most, lied to you.
As someone else suggested read the articles in the Healing Library and empower yourself with knowledge.
Take care of yourself by eating, drinking water and getting a little exercise - even a walk will help. Sleep when you can. I too recall one month in as being extraordinarily long. I felt tormented by time but time does help with healing.
You will ask lots of questions and will continue to ask for them in the months ahead.
I would suggest finding a counselor - IC for sure for your H and for you. You really need professional support right now. A good friends goes a long way too.
Finally, as tempting as it is, do not make any big decisions right now during this very emotional time.
I wish you well in the weeks and months ahead. It is a long road but there are many good stories out there whether you stay together or not.
[This message edited by LA44 at 2:25 PM, October 19th (Saturday)]
I am so sorry that you are here bh14801. I was blindsided when I found the text messages my husband was sending his mistress. His affair had been going on for 4 months when I found out. I now suspect that there were others.
Take care of yourself right now. I was so devastated and the pain was overwhelming at times. It was all I could do to just take a breath. So, breathe. Read the healing libraries. Post here often. Get into therapy or find a support group. Also, I hate to mention this, but get tested for STD's.
I made the choice to file for divorce. Some days have been better than others. I am almost 11 months out and I can say that a month ago, I found my laugh again. I didn't think I would ever laugh again. At first, I hated being alone in this house. But now, I am coming to appreciate it. It is nice to be able to do what I want, when I want to.
For me, it seems like it has been a slow process. Two steps forward, one step back. I still have my triggers, but nearly as often as I use to. I have not reached the point of feeling indifferent, but the raw pain and rage have passed.