I haven't been on SI in quite some time. Not that I haven't wanted to - WH now has our mac computer linked through icloud to my and my daughter's ipads. Anyone who has the cloud knows that it shows internet history of all devices, so I've just been avoiding SI to prevent him finding it.
It's been 4 months or so since the initial confrontation. If you look back on my most recent posts it will give you a glance where I was at the beginning of the summer.
WH and I are still together. We briefly tried MC, but didn't like our counselor and he is not open to trying another one. He has definitely improved in some areas. But I still don't trust him. At the end of the day I think he has some sociopathic traits and may also be NPD. I am torn because I have seen changes in him, yet I still am not *happy*.
Part of me feels like we will never have a *good* marriage - at best we will be content. But considering my kids are young and I am as well I wonder if I would be better off leaving now rather than dealing with a divorce 15-20 years down the line.
And I find myself daydreaming of my future - I can see my girls as they grow up, yet I never see us as a family together. Just me and my daughters. So I wonder if my subconscious is telling me something my conscious mind refuses to hear?
Basically the hurt and anger I initially felt when I logged on to this site has subsided, however I am still confused on whether or not I still want this marriage... Me: BW (31)
Him: WH (32)
2 DDs - 4yrs & 2yrs (as of Oct 2014)
Filed for divorce May 16, 2014
1st court hearing October 23, 2014 (rescheduled :/)
divorce final November 20, 2014