About 2 years ago, I caught jackass having an EA. He was remorseful at the time and ... I thought 'got it'. Part of the problem was his drinking - and he quit cold turkey for about a year. At the time, I asked him about a fb post from a woman on a business trip - it just seemed fishy. Since that was a side issue, I didn't press it since the EA was with a hs girlfriend (different woman). One of my other issues was with his lack of boundaries - he tells friends "luv ya" and "miss ya" in emails - girls, not his guy-friends.
Since then, I do not and cannot monitor fb or emails. Recently, I've been able to check his phone and read texts (what is there). About a month ago, he was at our college town for an interview, sitting at happy hour and texted a (different) friend from HS "I miss college". He also texted an ex-college gf at the same time. Both threads were short (since it was still work hours for the rest of the world) and innocuous from there. (however, they both have been deleted in the last 2 days).
Yesterday, I was able to get into his pc (he left for a meeting and screen saver hadn't yet kicked in). In his sent emails, I found some highly inappropriate ones - to the hs friend (not the former EA, but hs friend #2)- who it turns out was the woman from the business trip. Some are just vaguely flirty like, "one of the cute bartenders reminded me too much of you. I am therefore blaming you for the 3 extra beers I had." Others sound pretty damning... "Going on a biz trip to CA next week - wanna come?" "Keep in mind our pool and bar are a 12 minute detour when you visit your mom... my family is away that week" and "2012 wasn't horrible for me even though it didn't involve sushi with any redheads".
So... what now?
This is what I am thinking...
1) visit an attorney next week. Get my rights and possibilities. We are about 6 months short of a milestone anniversary - does it matter? Also, does fault vs. no-fault matter in my state?
2) get a spy camera so I can get his passwords to his pc as well as fb.
3) blindside him with a polygraph. I won't confront and give him time to concoct a story. We will schedule "lunch" one day in the next few weeks and I will have this planned and scheduled (preferably at our house).
4) As soon as we return from the polygraph, I want access to his fb right then - no chance to delete anything. I also want phone logs and access to emails.
anyone else have brilliant thoughts or advise?
I am just stunned I am back here.