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finally getting my divorce

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lifestoshort posted 10/19/2013 22:39 PM

alot of bad stuff has gone on here since I last posted and I finally had the nerve to collect my strong side back up, have a plan for months and file for divorce. he has to be served this weekend. can they serve him in Sunday?
he has refused to leave my house. he says he MAY leave Monday, but then he says he will stay till he is divorced! if he goes monday, that will be after he gets served here tomorrow (my house) and still stays another night? sounds dangerous to me. hes possesive of me.

last time I called the police they said they cant do anything cause im married yet. but I do own the home prior to marriage. I just hope once he leaves I can keep him out legally. he may steal my dogs or start my house on fire. I have kids so we cant leave. plus I work out of town so i cant keep my eye on it all the time.
im a nervous wreck. not about leaving, omg this has been the easiest decision ever... just about him harming me, my kids or the house. he has not made threats so I cant do a restraining order (heck I have been choked by an ex and I didnt win an order in the past)

I just wish to move forward and he wants to drag it out. been a yr and a few months since he has a job. sigh. I chose him. & stayed this long. its my fault. just happy to see it and excited for my future.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 10:40 PM, October 19th (Saturday)]

persevere posted 10/20/2013 00:59 AM

Are there temporary orders, or at least a hearing regarding temporary orders, in place?

What did your attorney say about the risks you are concerned about?

lifestoshort posted 10/20/2013 01:29 AM

no attorney. cant afford it. I filed as indigent/poor.

hearing is not till DEC!

story escalated tonight tho and police were called and escorted him to leave. they made a deal with him. and they said if he returns tonight it will be BAD for him. he would not hand over keys and they told me I can change locks as many times as I want. I will promptly in morn as its 1:30am now.

I was worried for my and childrens life. he did not threaten me but he kept asking me questions about me coming downstairs to watch tv. I was upsatirs on computer. he kept spying in on me. I would shut puter.

I got in bed and he comes in and starts a fight cause I am laying on his pillow (just to give you an idea of how dumb) I hand over the pillow and he flips out- use the damn pillow! and hes also getting mad as I take his stuff and pile it up.

he sits on bed and says why are you doing this. you enjoy fighting with me. you are so stubborn. I said leave my room. no its my room too. please leave. no! now I am yelling with kids sleeping. get out! you are making me uncomfortable! Im going to call police. no you wont. dont you dare.
just leave! he tells me to stop yelling at him and to never do it again. I call police. give address quickly. yes he has a knife. he has assault charge. please hurry he wont leave room and I am stuck. she says stay on phone with me. now he is standing by door w hand on knob, he wont let me leave...

i hide in my closet. they arrive and he goes off w his story.
they come in and I calmly say I filed, here are the papers- he keeps starting fights, jealous, following me etc. Im scared.

they say he is lying about alot and think he's a big talker. they help me a TON. they say we cant make him go but will get him to go.

so he's gone. im shaking and he's gone.

I heard him saying over and over, when can I call her? can I text?

then he wants his pillow and stupid crap so the police have to come in and get it.

he's texting me as I write this. I hope for my childrens sake I dont get killed. hes an angry person and dilusional. "i" did this to him.

lifestoshort posted 10/20/2013 01:31 AM

i couldn't change any locks tonight so here I am sitting w kids in house, w a psychopath out there. he's probably bugged my puter so he's reading this.

he wants to come back tomorrow to get stuff. really?! that soon. he's simply insane. he cant even blow steam off.

persevere posted 10/20/2013 02:06 AM

The police are definitely aware of the issue, and have record of it, which is good.

It's awful that you have to be in fear right now. Can you file a restraining order? Ask the police or their victim advocate if they have any options to consider for safety.

lifestoshort posted 10/20/2013 02:27 AM

I cannot as of right now. perhaps if he keeps texting me or calls obsessively then I can. which would keep us (me and kids) and dogs safe till court. I think I get 2 weeks before a court date from time of filing. but to win an extended, its not easy. I have been chocked by an ex and did not win past 3 weeks restraining.

i suppose if he keeps showing up it will look bad. the cops didn't seem to like him much. they were quite kind to me.
hes accusing me of lying to them tonight. all I said was he started a fight, would not leave and i got scared. i told them i was divorcing, here's the papers and hes a controlling obsessive jealous being. i also told them he had assaults on record which they cant see on his record. so they think he made it up.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 2:30 AM, October 20th (Sunday)]

lifestoshort posted 10/20/2013 14:58 PM

he showed up at 11am this morning. I asked police to have him come back when my children were out of home. they agreed it was best.
he showed at noon and police told me his text last night was indeed harrasment even tho he said it wasnt. police said, you should not contact her for anything besides things and bank acct info or something of that sort. he called my neighbor, my ex's, i think my kids... then he followed me after he left the home about 20 minutes later. called police again. he was near my childrens dads home and it scared the crap out of me. he lied to police so they can confirm when they talk to father of my kids. my ex is pissed. my H is losing his damn mind and I changed all the locks!!

now, where can I go to get a sweep on puter? or can I do it? I want to make sure he is not getting all my info and passwords.

lifestoshort posted 10/20/2013 14:58 PM

and I will be finding a lawyer for my court hearing. I will probably have to charge it :(

what do I do as far as bills go? I typically pay them in full every month. we have charge cards, heat, electric, phone etc. Im not asking for any mortgage, taxes or anything of that sort.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 2:59 PM, October 20th (Sunday)]

Softcentre posted 10/20/2013 15:14 PM

So, let me get this right, he threatened you with a knife while you were arguing in the bedroom? And the police couldn't arrest him?

lifestoshort posted 10/20/2013 15:36 PM

no he didnt show me a knife or have one right then that I know of. it was late but typically he has one in his pocket. a jagged pocket knife thats not tiny.

I did hear police ask for the knife and he asked if he would get it back. they said yes, when you are off the premises. WHAT?! so he can turn around in an hr and kill me with it? stupid.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 3:37 PM, October 20th (Sunday)]

debbysbaby posted 10/20/2013 23:57 PM

Oh my goodness lifestooahort, are you doing okay today?

lifestoshort posted 10/21/2013 10:49 AM

yup!! I feel great. I slept well, I woke happy. I feel awesome with my decision but my head is spinning with stuff to get done. passwords changed, disputes on charge cards, finding a lawyer, finding more lies he has told police and our bill people. wow.

he's still calling my people, my friends, family, ex's.

police called me at 7am this morning. my id said private number and I thought perhaps it was a call to say he had killed himself. Nope. not so lucky. the police just telling me that he had lied about something and letting me know they talked to him.
doesnt matter tho. theyve told him alot and he still does it.

my friend wants to lend me a gun. Im for sure getting some form of weapon today. pepperspray a taser. something!

Nature_Girl posted 10/21/2013 11:26 AM

Please listen to me carefully.

Your life is in danger. The lives of your children are in danger.

I have lived the life of an abused wife. I know that when you live with mental, emotional and psychological abuse it totally warps your sense of reality. It slows your reaction times, clouds your thinking. You end up minimizing what's happening because your mind doesn't want to accept reality.

That is what's been happening with you. Your life is in danger. You need to take strong action TODAY and make plans TODAY which could potentially make the difference between life & death.

This is a life or death situation you and your children are in.

I'm glad your locks are changed. That's an important first step. I also want you to install alarms on your doors & windows. You can easily get these & install yourself. They are magnetic, they stick in place so no tools are required. They will blast out 100 db if they are triggered. You need to install these alarms and tell your neighbors what's happening. Let them be additional eyes & ears. I had to do this. I told my neighbors about my fear for my life. Every one of them agreed to watch out for me.

You need to pack a "go bag" TODAY and have it hidden in your car or hidden at a neighbor's yard (with their permission). It should have copies of your ID, SS card, kids' birth certificates, copies of your credit cards, extra cash, extra checks, keys to everything, phone numbers & addresses of your safe people, titles & deeds of your property/vehicles, shoes & socks for you & your kids (don't bother with clothes or undies, if you need to flee you only need shoes), one small toy for each kid, any absolutely precious heirloom or personal possession you cannot live without, prescription meds & inhalers (even if just one day's worth).

You need to talk with your kids about what to do if there is an emergency and someone is breaking in your home and/or attacking you. This was by far the hardest thing for me to do. My kids now know which neighbors to run to for help. They know multiple ways to escape the house if the front door is blocked by an intruder. They know how to jump off the roof and that it's better to break your leg than be murdered in the house. They know ways to hide in the yard in the bushes. They know that if Mommy is being attacked they need to run & call 911 at the neighbor's house, not jump into the attack & try to help.

You need to take half an hour today & locate the nearest police or fire station. Make sure you know how to drive and walk there. Locate the nearest 24-hour convenience mart and gas station. Make sure you know how to drive and walk there.

Call your local domestic violence hotline. Today. Call them and find out what resources are available in your area. I know it's embarrassing to make this call. I know this because I had to make this call for myself. Call them. This could be the difference between life & death.

I know I'm coming on strong in this response. That's because I recognize the danger you're in. I know how foggy & muddled one's brain gets when one goes through this. The good people here and IRL goaded me into action back when I was in your position. They didn't let me rest until I'd made plans and got myself & my kids to safety.

Speaking of that, I went so far as to take my kids & fled town when STBX got served. We hid in another town in a hotel for several days. Just in case. Perhaps you should consider doing the same?

[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 11:30 AM, October 21st (Monday)]

StrongerOne posted 10/21/2013 11:26 AM

I'm going to sing my favorite song: Go to the nearest women's shelter NOW. If there is not one reasonably nearby, call a domestic abuse hotline. NOW.

I do not know why the police are not doing their job. He is threatening you. He is stalking you. You should not even have to press charges. The women's shelter or abuse hotline can help you work through what you need to do to get safer.

FYI, it doesn't matter if you are married or not. If he threatened a stranger walking down the street the police wouldn't say, Oh you're not married, so let it go. Seriously.

sparkysable posted 10/21/2013 12:39 PM

You've gotten some pretty good advice here from nature girl, and I think you should listen to it. I am not sure if your locks are changed, but if they are not, change them now. Find someone to do it for you, it's not expensive. Lock all windows and doors always, lock the garage, and call the police every time he contacts you if you have to. If you tell someone not to contact you again, and they contact you after that point, that's harassment.

I would not recommend getting a gun from a friend. Just saying...

lifestoshort posted 10/21/2013 14:30 PM

nature girl, all that is done. car set and with all important things in it. divorce ready to be served by sheriff (when they can find him)

friends and family know of the situation. I may get the gun. for sure I will have other means of defense. also another reason I want to keep dog. he barks very loud when someone is making noise or trying to get in. I like that. the other dog is a pup and has no clue.

I have a lawyer I saw in the past for this case but cannot recall his name. HE is who I want. I hope I can find the info somehow!

I cannot go to a shelter w all my kids, or my animals. I do not have the income to kennel them and try to go on with life, work and taking care of kids who need normality and not be involved. the police station is 4 blocks from my home. I can walk there. we have a case started and people know who we are.
I wont be a victim in this. Im strong. I have my head on straight and I am plowing forward.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 2:31 PM, October 21st (Monday)]

lifestoshort posted 10/22/2013 12:17 PM

I spoke with his ex wife who said he was diagnosed as bi polar. well that makes sense! I found some meds here to see what is what for proof.
he hasn't been here nor have I heard from him thankfully. its been a nice, calmer 24 hrs now.

I have a feeling he will be moving out of state by Dec.

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