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undonelife posted 10/20/2013 00:46 AM

Those feelings never return or the respect never returns? He's trying very hard but I would just like to walk away. & never look back. I have given so much to this man. Ive laid it all aside to follow dreams with him. I've got nothing left to give him. I've stayed for my kids sakes, tried to be the bigger person but I am still so heartbroken & disgusted at the level of deceit & depravity. The sheer speed at which he was done with me after 30 years, & his kids & all about a life with her. What do I do if I can't recover from this and respect him again?

heartache101 posted 10/20/2013 07:55 AM


Only you can decide when you are done. I believe each of us know when enough is enough.

Its ok to say it its ok to be happy.
For us that have been married this long its hard we know no other life
Then WS spouse. I get it.

Good luck with your new future!

ItsaClimb posted 10/20/2013 08:06 AM

I hear you. I'm wrestling with much the same thoughts myself. Personally I feel that if the feelings never return and the respect never comes back, then clearly the A was a deal-breaker. Having said that, I think you do have to give the anger and hurt some time to "burn off" before making those decisions. Not sure when your D-Day was?

sinsof thefather posted 10/20/2013 10:11 AM

undonelife, I read a couple of your back posts before answering here and I notice that you have had a massive amount of TT discovered in just this last month - evidence that he's been continuing to lie to you throughout the 9 months of R preceding this discovery - and that's enough to really be considered another D-Day in my opinion. Certainly enough to set you back emotionally to your original D-Day anyway.

So, given that, I think it's very natural that you are feeling the way you do right now, as he hasn't done anything much to win your renewed respect yet. It's only been one month since your last big discovery and proof of his continued lies.

I think what I'd do in your place is give myself just a little more time for these new revelations to settle down just a bit, because this is all still so very raw and painful - and then see if my feelings changed any. It's a lot to absorb in just one month.

But equally, if the continued lies were too much for you and you really do feel done - then maybe you really are done - and there's nothing to feel guilty about by admitting that to him, or to yourself. You've given this R attempt 9 months and maybe this last TT about the continued lies was the last straw for you, and that's OK too. Only you know what you can live with and you don't have to offer R.


undonelife posted 10/20/2013 13:11 PM

Itsaclimb: DD was 11/25/12 with TT on 9/9/13.

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