New here... well, I was here a few years ago briefly for something similar, which makes this all the more painful.
5 years ago, when our 2nd son was a few weeks old, my husband was talking to women on Ashley Madison, talking about meeting up, talking about how I just never "put out". Yeah, because I was what, 3 weeks postpartum?? Crap hit the fan, I even looked at leaving. We worked it out and things were good.
Now, I'll admit that we haven't had a very active sex life for a while. Our older son has autism, non-verbal. We had another baby 3 years ago as well. Trouble with my oldest around 3 years ago as well (she's now 18). Stress, stress, stress. About a year ago my health started deteriorating, and my waning sex drive halted among numerous other issues. Not that there was NO sex, just not very often. I have VERY severe adrenal fatigue, and began treatment recently and have come around significantly in every way, including sex drive.
Unfortunately, around that same time I find he has profiles on a NUMBER of sex-hook-up sites (Shagaholic, Flirt, UpForIt, etc). I confronted him a couple weeks ago, things seemed to turn around (even the profiles I didn't alert him to went dead). Today I walk by him on his tablet and catch a glimpse of a photo of him, waist down, naked, in our bathroom. He had it on some site. I didn't confront him then and there, I am the type to calm down and think things through.
I am supposed to eliminate stress. My stress system is shut down. The slightest stress causes a huge number of physical health issues (and mental of course). I can't handle this. I am just livid. We JUST confronted all this 2 weeks ago!!! We honestly have sex almost every night (let's just say my drive went from 0-200 with my treatments). WHY is he still active with online sex bullcrap?!?
I'll be getting on that tablet, "incognito" the first chance I get and gathering my info/thoughts.
I don't think it's as bad as a physical affair, and from what I found he wasn't talking to specific people, just browsing around, etc. But I have been through hell and back for him... and this is my payment. I have probably the most severe adrenal fatigue my doctor has seen (FYI, it's basically a stress disorder, my stress system has shut down and I'm not making enough cortisol to deal with EASY life, much less my insanely crazy life with a special needs child among a dozen other blows life has dealt me). My husband had a severe health crisis this summer (basically 3 strokes), leaving me a single mom for 74 days... squeezing by on disability, jumping through unbelievable hoops to arrange care for the kids (remember one has autism) so I could be at the hospital EVERY single one of those days. Dealing with FMLA, disability, insurance, and even malpractice on my own. I get VERY little help from him with the kids, always has been the case... but instead of "repaying" me by supporting me in my recovery by helping more... ex: he "let me sleep in" this morning, meaning our autistic son was still in his room... naked and and pooed all over. Letting me sleep in means taking over what *I* would do... I could "sleep in" like today any day of the week if it meant neglecting our children. Instead he repays me with repeatedly betraying me with online sex crap.
I could have done without THAT gratitude and appreciation.
