SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Melodere posted 10/20/2013 01:21 AM

New here... well, I was here a few years ago briefly for something similar, which makes this all the more painful.

5 years ago, when our 2nd son was a few weeks old, my husband was talking to women on Ashley Madison, talking about meeting up, talking about how I just never "put out". Yeah, because I was what, 3 weeks postpartum?? Crap hit the fan, I even looked at leaving. We worked it out and things were good.

Now, I'll admit that we haven't had a very active sex life for a while. Our older son has autism, non-verbal. We had another baby 3 years ago as well. Trouble with my oldest around 3 years ago as well (she's now 18). Stress, stress, stress. About a year ago my health started deteriorating, and my waning sex drive halted among numerous other issues. Not that there was NO sex, just not very often. I have VERY severe adrenal fatigue, and began treatment recently and have come around significantly in every way, including sex drive.

Unfortunately, around that same time I find he has profiles on a NUMBER of sex-hook-up sites (Shagaholic, Flirt, UpForIt, etc). I confronted him a couple weeks ago, things seemed to turn around (even the profiles I didn't alert him to went dead). Today I walk by him on his tablet and catch a glimpse of a photo of him, waist down, naked, in our bathroom. He had it on some site. I didn't confront him then and there, I am the type to calm down and think things through.

I am supposed to eliminate stress. My stress system is shut down. The slightest stress causes a huge number of physical health issues (and mental of course). I can't handle this. I am just livid. We JUST confronted all this 2 weeks ago!!! We honestly have sex almost every night (let's just say my drive went from 0-200 with my treatments). WHY is he still active with online sex bullcrap?!?

I'll be getting on that tablet, "incognito" the first chance I get and gathering my info/thoughts.

I don't think it's as bad as a physical affair, and from what I found he wasn't talking to specific people, just browsing around, etc. But I have been through hell and back for him... and this is my payment. I have probably the most severe adrenal fatigue my doctor has seen (FYI, it's basically a stress disorder, my stress system has shut down and I'm not making enough cortisol to deal with EASY life, much less my insanely crazy life with a special needs child among a dozen other blows life has dealt me). My husband had a severe health crisis this summer (basically 3 strokes), leaving me a single mom for 74 days... squeezing by on disability, jumping through unbelievable hoops to arrange care for the kids (remember one has autism) so I could be at the hospital EVERY single one of those days. Dealing with FMLA, disability, insurance, and even malpractice on my own. I get VERY little help from him with the kids, always has been the case... but instead of "repaying" me by supporting me in my recovery by helping more... ex: he "let me sleep in" this morning, meaning our autistic son was still in his room... naked and and pooed all over. Letting me sleep in means taking over what *I* would do... I could "sleep in" like today any day of the week if it meant neglecting our children. Instead he repays me with repeatedly betraying me with online sex crap.

I could have done without THAT gratitude and appreciation.

summerain posted 10/20/2013 04:38 AM

wow, no advice but I want you know you have been heard.

I was wondering have you got community support that you could lean on a bit more?

This must be heartbreaking for you and I hope this will be a safe place for you.

jjct posted 10/20/2013 05:22 AM

Sorry you have to find yourself here.

No normal man I know would even think to troll such sites - even less, post half-naked selfies.

With all your issues - someone who would do those things is seriously disordered in my book.

I think if you consulted with an attorney, it could help reduce your stress levels.
Wishing you peace and calm.

cluless posted 10/20/2013 14:03 PM

Every cockroach you find, there are hundreds in the wall. Yep the physical is MUCH worse, then add emotional and my health issues at the time and it's more than most can take. I hope you can get to the bottom of this before it's too late.