what he got from he relationship and what she could offer that I couldn't. I want this information so I can make sure that he never feels like his only option to meet his needs is to cheat. Whether that is a naive thought process or not, I just don't know.
This is such a hard thought process a lot of us struggle with. It takes a long time and feels for me at least a cop out to recognise the truth
IT WAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU
seriously there was nothing
why didn't he tell you? why was/is he a hypocrypt?
Don't worry this one will take you time.
I would say there was a mix of 'newness' a mix of 'missing her' a range of things... and convenience
You can't fix these things only he can. ONLY he can.
all relationships can improve in some ways, you can improve in ways but that's not the point. WHY did he not tell you. Because he was selfish
Why did he do it... because he was selfish
I don't subscribe to the whole 'he was weak vulnerable etc' unless he TRULY was. i've read some really heartbreaking circumstances for waywards on this site. You have not described a truly heartbreaking situation for him.
I don't want to be the one holding us back from being happy and healing our marriage. Apart from the infidelity, he really is a wonderful husband and does express his love to me daily in multiple ways. I don't want a divorce and I don't want to live without him....but I can't seem to push the infidelity into he back of my mind like I want to. It should be filed away with past mistakes and I want to give him a proper chance to make amends and fix things. It's what I want and what he wants. She should be a non entity...not still a factor in my marriage.
Okay, I have a habit of being too harsh so i'm going to try realllly hard here to be nice but firm.
HEALING YOUR MARRIAGE? no, you started off with an imparied and broken marriage.
Apart from the infidelity... seriously? apart from breaking your trust, lying to you, treating you like shit because really that's what his actions were saying... the ones you couldn't see. taking you for granted. Breaking your heart
You mean apart from THAT it's okay...
I can't seem to push the infidelity into he back of my mind like I want to.
Underneath all of the stupid things we ALL say at the beginning not just you, (read above if you need to be reminded). You are intelligent and your INTELLIGENCE is what's holding you back.
It should be filed away with past mistakes and I want to give him a proper chance to make amends and fix things. It's what I want and what he wants.
Mistakes? ummmm NO locking my keys in the car is a mistake. What he did is a series of DELIBERATE choices
You are giving him a proper chance to fix things...
You MARRIED HIM
Look I feel like such a bitch about this, but I have to ask truly
ever heard 'pride comes before a fall'
Your pride is what's holding you back here.
I wonder if you got rid of your pride and think 'what qualities do I want in a spouse' 'what is a dealbreaker for me?' You may have a better picture
The OW, she will go away, you will recognise (hopefully) at some point it was him not her. She doesn't matter. She's great to hate and displace anger.
I'm pro- R
I'm in R and a lot of people here did not think that was wise. Hopefully I am proving them wrong that I made the right decision *cross fingers*. So these things i say are in the spirit of R not the opposite. You need to know where your head is and what you want otherwise you won't know if you can committ to it
Reconcilliation is hard, divorce is hard. But you and I are lucky that we have no children nothing really. Our choice has a lot less complications. And yes, I am taking the immigration into account.
You are not, sorry to say, commited to reconcilliation. Because you don't feel safe and I get some feeling that you feel really cheated out of how a marriage should be and begin (which you were). You need to explore both sides to truly understand which way you want to go.
You won't truly know btw until six months out, but I am worried if you're at 3 months out and this is what you're posting.