SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

lost4now posted 10/20/2013 03:51 AM

And so it begins! My STBXH helped her get a new job in our town, she moved into his apartment and she has met my in-laws. HURTS! I have known my in-laws since I was 13. My STBXH and I started dating when we were 17. I still live in our marital home right next door to them!

It feels like such a violation. The two of them are just awful. I have always been the favorite daughter in law. I guess all that will change now. The in-laws told me that they never wanted to meet her.

SBB posted 10/20/2013 04:59 AM

((lost4now))

Blood is thicker than water. In order to have a relationship with their son they are going to have to deal with OW.

I feel for my XILs - I really do. They are stuck between a rock and a hard place. They cannot have a relationship with me because of my fraught relationship with their son/brother - they cannot choose me over him (I know some ILs do but that is very, very rare).

xMIL and XSILs all expressed their disappointment in the sad clown to me during False R. They all think he is a damn fool but he is their damn fool so what can they do.

I'm sorry you're hurting honey. This is another slice of that shit sandwich. Infidelity impacts everyone around us too.

Thefly559 posted 10/20/2013 05:48 AM

Just letting you know you are not alone. I too am in this boat. Stay strong !!

Chrysalis123 posted 10/20/2013 09:41 AM

((((( Lost)))))))

I am so sorry. It hurts like hell.

nowiknow23 posted 10/20/2013 09:44 AM

((((lost)))) I'm so sorry, honey.

cmego posted 10/20/2013 09:57 AM

As I like to say, "Blood is thicker than morality". It is what it is. If one of my kids screwed up royally, I would still have a very hard time walking away from them.

Try not to take it personally, it is just another part of the fallout.

Pippy posted 10/20/2013 11:05 AM

Losing the love and support of your in-laws is another betrayal. I was the fav D-I-L for 30 years and then my M-I-L invited my WH and OW for supper 3 weeks after I was blind-sided, because she felt we "should all be able to be friends".

A great lady but not very bright.

[This message edited by Pippy at 11:06 AM, October 20th (Sunday)]

Ashland13 posted 10/22/2013 11:50 AM

I'm just coming on mere hours away from having to hear about this very thing.

I'm trying to decide what to do because I don't feel that IL's who support and meet Fatty B also support me. Oh, they say the "right" words, but the actions are so wrong.

We are not even divorced and he is forcing the A out into the sunlight, bringing Ow around and having people to visit the rock they live under. I cannot be "friends" with someone who is "friends" with that person, as I said, and they are going to get a conk in the head if they push too far.

Unfortunately I have a back bone, too, and this is the top of my threshold. He is also dragging DD into the mess and she is driving people nuts talking non stop about her "new life" with daddy and she is confused, feeling accepted by him in his wrongness.

The ache to hear and see knows no bounds. When I tried to discuss with him, he got very, very snotty.

So I speak/contact with him absolutely no more.

You know what? When I say this to some of them, they get angry and have lectured me that I am disappointing "the family" by not taking part of things anymore.

Excuse me?

This is a sore spot, for sure.

tryingagain74 posted 10/22/2013 13:38 PM

I'm sorry, lost. The same thing happened to me (only my dopey XWH actually married the OW). He pushed to have our divorce moved up several months earlier, and they were married one month after the divorce was final. He then took her on the annual summer vacation with his parents that we've been taking our kids on since our eldest was born, and that was a very bitter pill for me to swallow. A small part of me hoped that the ILs would tell him that she wasn't welcome, but alas, they want a relationship with their son, so they have to accept his wayward behavior and new choice of partner. I've known them since I was 20, and although they are still nice to me (and MIL reaches out now and again over email), I definitely feel "replaced."

It totally sucks. I'm sorry that you have to have it rubbed in your face since you live next door. Is there any way that you can move? At least my ILs are LD, so I don't have to worry about running into them or seeing them with XWH and the Ofamily. It will probably help with your healing if you can put some distance between you.

(((lost4now)))

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 1:39 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]

lost4now posted 10/22/2013 14:06 PM

TA74.....We are in the process of selling our marital home. As soon as it sells I will be moving. I really cannot wait to put some distance between myself and the inlaws and the STBXH. THEN I can begin my new life and put most of this behind me. The scar will always remain unfortunately. I am hoping the wound will heal.

Feeling Consumed posted 10/22/2013 15:46 PM

I can sooooo relate to this and you are right - it is so incredibly hurtful. Ex-shat brought his hoW to his parent's state to introduce her to them as his "girlfriend"... Stupid - fucking 60 year old with a girlfriend - what a freak. Anyway, they then came up to visit ex&ow at their NEW house they just bought together. How nice they can be one big fucking happy family. And did my ILs stop to see me while they were in this area (8 hours from where they live) - hell no. I guess that whole "I don't care what happens, you'll always be my daughter" was one big steaming pile of bullshit. I hate him and everyone that spawned him.

Gemini71 posted 10/22/2013 23:02 PM

My STBXH doesn't have a steady OW, he was into casual encounters. It is still awkward with my ILs.

I may not have been replaced, but I have disappeared from the family. Not necessarily by choice, but it still happened.

At the end of the day, blood is thicker than water.

dmari posted 10/23/2013 02:04 AM

(((((lost4now))))) I hope the house sells soon so that you can have a fresh new start!!

My stbx is estranged from his father/stepmother and mother/stepfather. I have always been close to mother/stepfather but I know there will come a day that I will have to step back. It is more important for her and her son to have some type of relationship and when that happens, I will accept the inevitable. That will be hard

Dawn58 posted 10/23/2013 05:45 AM

My STBX brought the other woman to visit the inlaws within a month of Dday. I was pretty devastated and upset about it, but I know they will support their son. The last time I spoke to my mother-in-law the shift had already happened as she was blaming me for the affair. Done with that woman!!!

It is very painful and hurts because I felt that I had been replaced in that family, just another situation where I felt the loss, knowing that I had been replaced.

Fill your life with people who love YOU, I found that to be so helpful and to focus on that and not on the things that I have lost. I have gone through so many levels of lost with this.

You will create a new life for yourself. Try to see what that is going to look like.

((hugs))