Lets just take a moment to breathe...I feel such deep hurt here not that this site is lacking in hurt.
First off, Marathon...you know you are doing a good thing and why. Don't ever lose sight of your motivations because you know what they truly are in regards to why you began really digging into the system behind mental health care in your area. A lot of people will benefit for that. It's no small thing even though your H said what he did. You are in a position to do something because of who you are. I thank you for it.
My oldest daughter is also bipolar and to touch on passing it around...I feel guilt for this because I watch her struggle and hurt and suffer in front of people who don't get it. Yes, that's hard but it's also life. Would've, should've, could've...nothing to be done about that part of things, right? Just move forward...BUT she is about to lose her counseling because insurance won't pay for it despite her counselor writing umpteen reviews and reams of doctors notes and a very long history. She called the insurance co, begging them to please not take away the one thing that was actually helping her for the first time ever. The very perky girl on the other end of the phone told her that they don't want her using it as a coping method because...wait for it...they want her to get better.
Bipolar is brain chemistry. You don't get better. You learn coping skills. Find the right meds. You eat super clean so at least you aren't adding artificial crap into your system to cloud things further. You take lots of supplements. You lower stress and exciters to as low a level as you possibly can. But you don't get better...as in cured.
I commend you for doing what you are doing. Your husband is hurting from so many angles, he probably has a hard time sorting it all out sometimes. At least while he's in the middle of it. Again, I'm just guessing but that's what it's like for me.
I just want to offer comfort and support. Sometimes hearing someone on the outside talk about things can offer different perspective or just a different facet of the same diamond you've been looking at. Whether I manage that or not, I hope you can feel the peace and empathy I'm trying to send your way.
Now to Alex...I haven't read your story but you said 2 weeks. 2 weeks is too early to even know what you are doing or feeling besides pain and anger. Please trust me on this but if you don't...well, look around on SI. People tend to follow a pretty clear time frame with very little exception.
I am so sorry you find yourself in this and I've certainly felt the same. I actually felt stronger and more sure footed at two weeks than I did at two months...or twelve months.
The conclusion I came to, right or wrong, was simply this: I hate dating. I have had numerous crappy experiences. I don't have a lot of patience for that kind of thing. I'd rather be alone, honestly. Okay, maybe that's not quite true. I'd rather have what I always wanted but I hate the process it might take to get that at this point and I'm not growing any younger. Despite the garbage my spouse has put me through (for years), he is still the one I know best. It's still his personality and his arms...his scent, his touch...that I crave. I've met many seemingly upright men from a variety of walks of life but it's still him I miss. To be fair, almost without exception, those other guys were all hiding an insensitive, cheating nature. At least I know what my ('formerly' according to him) cheating spouse is all about. So...while the grass may look greener over there...I'll take the devil I know over the one I don't any day. I suppose I might be missing out on that one great guy but I wouldn't recognize him anyways at this point.
I can't tell you what is right and I wouldn't even try because I don't know you or your guy. I'm just telling you my thoughts at this point.
None of this means I let my H walk over me. I have a lawyer on retainer ready to file for divorce at a words notice and he knows it...I hate that this is how it is but truthfully? I could never know without doubt what ANY guy was actually up to. I trust me and how I'll handle things if need be. I trust what my own eyes show me and that is my H is doing everything he can to right some severe and serious wrongs...every single day, without fail. I do not trust anything more.
Hold your head up, get rest and drink water. Take some walks, do so,e writing. Distract yourself and don't feel bad about it. Don't make any decisions about anything. You don't need to now. Let things settle and clarify. Read and ask questions or just cry here. Vent and be angry here. We all understand.
My heart is hurting for you both.