Member # 12802
| Posted: 10:00 AM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013|
The A broke our M. Slowly cracking it during the A. I could see the small cracks, but didn't know what they were, or how they were getting there. I tried to fix them...but without knowing why they were there, I couldn't.
On dday, it shattered. I was there, looking at all the pieces on the ground, not knowing if it could ever be repaired, not knowing if it was even possible.
I tried carefully, gently putting the pieces back together, but they wouldn't stay. I threw the pieces across the room. I ignored the pieces. I hated the pieces, yet I loved them at the same time....but I couldn't fix it, not alone.
I held all the pieces, and the choice to allow him to help me repair it or not.
At first, he tried to help by showing me which pieces went where. I already knew that, but couldn't make them stay in place. They would balance for a while, then fall back away.
Then he tried to hold them in place with fools gold. It looked pretty, but didn't have the strength to hold the weight, the history, the importance of the pieces.
It wasn't until he found his real gold, not fools gold, that the pieces started to go back together. Finding that gold took a long time. Sometimes what he thought was real, wasn't. Sometimes there were so many impurities, the pieces either didn't fit smoothly together or ended up slipping, or never setting firmly in place.
At times, I held back pieces, even when he had the gold to repair the pieces. I had to be sure that he wouldn't grow tired of mining the gold and there wouldn't be enough to put all the pieces back together. The sharp edges would eventually kill me.
Over time I saw that he had found, within him, a vein of gold. He didn't have to look outside himself to mine it. Slowly, the pieces went back together. Sometimes they fit in perfectly, sometimes we had to search for slivers of pieces before we could fill in the crack.
Seeing the vessel now, it is beautiful. Not because of the A, but because of how we repaired it. It's beautiful in it's own way. It's strong. It's imperfect. It's ours..and all the scars and cracks remind us of the work we've done to make it so.
[This message edited by unfound at 10:37 AM, October 20th (Sunday)]
Kids on the playground can be so cruel. “Get off the swings you’re like 50, and stop talking about Soundgarden, we don't even know what that is."
Posts: 14938 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
Member # 39166
| Posted: 10:18 AM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013|
I hear you. Thank you, that is beautiful.
My WS tried fools gold and then walked.
My marriage is still in pieces.
For a while, I thought I was in pieces too. But I'm not a broken pot. I'm more like my alabaster votive.
My alabaster votive has flaws throughout. You can't actually see them when the candle isn't lit, but they're there. But when the light is shining through it, the flaws are visible to all. Amazingly though, these don't make it ugly or worthless. The light shining through it gives the alabaster character and makes the flaws beautiful.
My marriage is like the broken pot. I still have a faint hope that perhaps WH could discover his true gold. But no matter what happens to my broken pot, I will be a beautiful alabaster votive with the light shining through.
[This message edited by Softcentre at 10:22 AM, October 20th (Sunday)]
Finally reached indifference & looking forward to my new beginning
Posts: 1629 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Member # 40769
| Posted: 10:41 AM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013|
Wow. That was beautiful. I don't have the words to say how much that touched me.
Thank you so very much.
I have stopped pretending
Me- FBS 41
Him- FWS 38
2 DS- 14 and 16
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
full truth: November 14, 2013
Posts: 1066 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 30024
| Posted: 10:48 AM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013|
Very good analogy. Thanks for sharing.
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
Posts: 12726 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 26465
| Posted: 10:55 AM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013|
There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing
Posts: 3222 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Member # 40166
| Posted: 10:56 AM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013|
I loved that. Showing H, I know he'll love it too.
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.
Posts: 1127 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 39439
| Posted: 12:23 PM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013|
Exactly how I feel. Thank you for posting this - very poignant.
And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!
Posts: 1858 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Member # 15162
| Posted: 1:03 PM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013|
FBH - 45
FWW - 46 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 10 & 15
The people you do your life with shape the life you live
Posts: 45737 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Member # 39665
| Posted: 1:11 PM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013|
Love this post. Already shared with my BS.
If it would fit on a vanity license plate I'd get it.
Or maybe it's tattoo time...
2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 51. Her: BW, 50. Married 20 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.
Posts: 404 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
Member # 20547
| Posted: 3:56 PM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013|
This is wonderful.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
His OC born 2008/Adopted 2014
My Affair/OC: 2015
Status: trying to pick up the pieces.
Posts: 2579 | Registered: Aug 2008
Member # 30369
| Posted: 4:03 PM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013|
I needed to see this today. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.
Posts: 29575 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 41053
| Posted: 9:17 PM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013|
Such encouraging words! Thank you.
Me (BS) 59
Him (WH) 58
DD July 10, 2013
My Motto: "I'm fairly certain that nothing is certain anymore"
Posts: 81 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Middle of USA
Member # 40012
| Posted: 9:40 PM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013|
Great job. It is really helpful for those of us who are still looking for a way to accept that what had been broken, can be fixed with added improvements.
M 14 years at time of DD
2 young daughters
A-3 YEARS and her husband was an accomplice.
In R, IC, & MC Since 1 week after DD. On the mend with the help of God, Friends and Family.
Posts: 93 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Central FL
Member # 40488
| Posted: 11:02 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013|
So true so real so touching
Thanks and hopefully working on getting those pieces together.
Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore
Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 25144
| Posted: 11:53 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013|
Thank you for sharing this. The gold in that vase really does make it more beautiful. If it applies to M too there is much to look forward to.
Resources for R:
His Needs Her Needs, by Dr. Willard Harley
Love Busters, by Dr. Willard Harley
(for husbands) Becoming the Ultimate Husband, by Reb Bradley
Posts: 1729 | Registered: Aug 2009
Member # 40654
| Posted: 12:25 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013|
Not long after DDay, my BH sent an article to me about the history of this art form. He, too, compared our relationship to one of the pots which was broken but made more valuable by the use of gold to seal the cracks. I think of the analogy often.
Him: BH 1969
Me: WW 1973
Wedding: April 9, 1994
Son: 1998 (college freshman)
Son: 2002 (high school freshman)
Caught at AP's house: 10 Aug 2012
I do not have it all together.
Posts: 862 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Far, far away
Member # 27176
| Posted: 4:28 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013|
BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one
Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 16024
| Posted: 4:46 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013|
So touching. Thanks for sharing this.
“Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of “you’re not alone.” ~ Brene Brown
Posts: 54906 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 39601
| Posted: 7:04 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013|
Wow. That is beautiful. Truly.
PA-5 1/2 months
D-Day 5-8-11 (Happy Mother's Day to me)
Married 26 years
Trying to R
"Maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you tore it all up."
Posts: 21 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 30079
| Posted: 1:10 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013|
so happy for you both and empowered by those who have walked this path successfully before me.
BS- Me (43)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
Posts: 2070 | Registered: Nov 2010
|Topic Posts: 21|