So, I can't understand why he wouldn't leave me a card, an apology letter, some flowers or just anything while he's away this weekend. I brought it up to him over the phone yesterday and he said, "he didn't say sorry or bring it up b/c he didn't want to cause me anymore hurt. And it makes me very and and leads to us fighting about everything.
Here's what happened last year: He had flown to the east coast to give his mother away at her wedding. It was supposed to be a weekend of family, friends and her re- marriage.The kids and I didn't go because of obligations at home.
Long story short,FWS led me to believe his best friend was picking him up from airport(his A partner picked him up). They went to dinner (yes, he spent our money to feed her). They went and made out in her car after dinner and then she drove him to his aunt's house.
The next day, after the wedding was over, he drives to her place and eats a meal she cooked. He drives them both to a college football game (my favorite college team vs. his alma mater). I'm told he and his best friend are attending the game together. He was with her at least some of the time during the game. After the game, they got something to eat, went back to her place and had sex for the first time. He flew back home the next day, talking and acting like everything was normal.
Today is THAT DAY! Its my MILs 1 year Anniversary AND my 1 year Antiversary. Kind of bittersweet. Very happy for my MIL, but extremely sad for myself. Despite, my FWH explanation of why he didn't do anything ot acknowledge it w/a kind gesture...I'm hurt by his inaction and near silence.
This weekend is one of many antiversary dates. The next few weekends as well. Plus dates w/ other women as well. I feel very taken for granted, disrespected and disregarded.
Just sad and heartbroken all over again that he did nothing.
I don't have any other advice, because I plan on acknowledging my Antiversary. I want to show how I've improved in my thoughtfulness of my BS and in how I handle difficult situations.
I kept telling her we needed to do something special to take my thoughts away but in the end I was ignored and just went to work on the 3 un-special days. Luckily, I'm really busy and it took my mind off of it.
I don't know if it was rugsweeping or just fear of facing what she did that kept her from even acknowleding it. She's now loving and sometimes says she's sorry, but ingnoring the antiversay was the some of the worst pain I've felt in about 6-8 months.
[This message edited by SecondHelping at 7:22 AM, October 21st (Monday)]
A simple card or letter would have given me something nice to focus on to help offset the painful memories of last year.
If he says he wants to reconcile with me and I tell him what I need and he doesn't do it...then how do I believe his words?
That said on the first Anti I wanted to celebrate that day. I wanted him to make a big damn deal about it. Without that day he was destined to end up divorced, because I was done dealing with his hateful ass, and always being wrong. So I wanted to celebrate the fact that on that day we had infact been given an opportunity to renew our relationship, and save our M. It was kinda a fresh start feeling.
But knowing my spouse (a man that doesn't even remember his own birthday) I knew he would have no clue that it was near, or what I wanted. So I told him about a month before when it was and what my expectations were, I wrote them out even, so he couldn't say oh I forgot, or couldn't remember when. I gave it to him, and told him I wanted to be Queen for a day that day. He didn't disappoint, on year 2 I didn't warn him it was upcoming, and took him out to dinner, and that was when I shared the fact that I forgave him. It was also very special. Year 3 and 4 was mentioned in passing, and this year, we discussed it was 5 years about 3 weeks prior to dday, and that was enough for me. IT NO LONGER MATTERS....We have healed, and we are happy.
My point is this, unless you specifically stated what your expectations were then I think you can't blame him 100%. Yah I get being disappointed since you had discussed prior, and you weren't together that day, but if you didn't specifically communicate that you wanted some sort of action from him to inidicate that he knew you were hurting on said day then I can see why he wouldn't do or say something. Who wants to pick at another persons wound when you know it's going to cause them pain.