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thebirdcage posted 10/20/2013 20:40 PM

Dday was in April. We lost our first son a month before- he was still born. A month after dday- thanks to hysterical bonding I became pregnant with our rainbow baby. I am now 6 months pregnant- high risk... Terrified doesn't begin to describe.

We've been in MC and IC since about 3 weeks after dday. Things were going so well but lately they have spun out of my control...

I'm so angry and hurt still. I still think and obsess about the ow (his ex who he got pregnant but she had an abortion). She still hangs out with all his friends, who have seemed to choose her over him. Sad because they are his childhood friends.

I know I'm more emotional than usual. I cry all the time. It all happened so fast- the death of my son then dday then a new high risk pregnancy. He's angry all the time now. Anything I say now annoys him to no end. Anything. I'm sure sometimes I'm annoying... But sometimes it's something as simple as ... For example - tomorrow it a crucial day for me I'll be 26 weeks. I lost my baby at 26 weeks last time so it's a big milestone. He thinks its a ridiculous milestone because he's had faith this baby is gonna make it. So I told him today... So happy... "Hey tomorrow I'll be 26 weeks" and instead of saying "great. See baby we made it. " he gets annoyed and a mad face and says "well I told you that milestone was ridiculous in the first place. Get over it". It hurt so bad. I've tried talking to him and he just says "your way to emotional I'm not talking about this" and continues to watch tv.

He's pushing me away. I can't even kiss him anymore. It doesn't feel the same. He's not the same person I fell in love with. I course I love him. I want it to work. I want our son to have a family. But it just seems so impossible right now. I feel so lonely. He started off being so great with R. I'm starting to resent him and if I had the money I am almost positive that I would get my own place just to have my own space. But I don't because I got laid off for being high risk and I don't want to go to my family... Once again... Devestated by yet another failed relationship.

I'm getting tiered of trying and feeling so hopeless.

Crushed1 posted 10/20/2013 20:58 PM

((((birdcage)))) I am so sorry about the loss of your little son in March. It's sad that your H doesn't understand what an emotional time this is for you, especially with the previous loss. So, right now, just TAKE CARE OF YOU so you and the little one will be alright.

I had one high risk pregnancy, which ended up just fine, with my third child, and with high risk I'm sure you know how important it is for you to have as peaceful and calm a mental atmosphere as you can. You're dealing with the thoughts of his betrayal, anger, a whole gamut of emotional rollercoaster. So focus with all of your might on just YOU and that little boy. God bless. Wishing you peace and strength!

Scubachick posted 10/20/2013 22:22 PM

What a jerk!! 26 weeks is a huge milestone!! Please don't allow him to take that away from you. I lost 3 before I finally had my son. I was high risk too and I know exactly what that's like. Every stomach ache, every gas pain, cramp I was sure I would lose the baby again. It's hard to even allow yourself to get excited because you are so scared. How insensitive of your husband to brush you off like that. You are one strong woman!! Not only do you have to deal with the pain of his betrayal but the loss of your baby, the fear of losing another, and just being pregnant. I say celebrate this 26 week milestone with or without him!!

Hrtbrken1 posted 10/20/2013 22:26 PM

((Birdcage))

If he is backsliding, maybe it's time to 180 him. Do you think he's being resentful because his friends abandoned him, and he's taking it out on you? Can you bring this up at MC?

Hang in there, and take care of yourself first. And that's awesome you've made it to 26 weeks!

lovedmesomehim posted 10/20/2013 22:35 PM

Happy 26th Week to you and your sweet baby!!!

I don't know what is wrong with your husband, but I want you to put him on your personal "Ignore List."

His insensitivity is galling.

Take care of yourself and your long-anticipated child. As for your husband? Save your love and energy for later.

Right now, he is just being a drain on your natural resources.

Go right now and look in the mirror and wish your baby its "Happy 26th Week" and ignore your husband.

I am happy for your milestone.

thebirdcage posted 10/20/2013 22:47 PM

Thank you ladies!!! I don't know what I would do without a place like this to go to. Never ending thanks... I feel so much better after hearing y'all's perspective. Thank you for taking the time to ease my pain and worry.