Dday was in April. We lost our first son a month before- he was still born. A month after dday- thanks to hysterical bonding I became pregnant with our rainbow baby. I am now 6 months pregnant- high risk... Terrified doesn't begin to describe.
We've been in MC and IC since about 3 weeks after dday. Things were going so well but lately they have spun out of my control...
I'm so angry and hurt still. I still think and obsess about the ow (his ex who he got pregnant but she had an abortion). She still hangs out with all his friends, who have seemed to choose her over him. Sad because they are his childhood friends.
I know I'm more emotional than usual. I cry all the time. It all happened so fast- the death of my son then dday then a new high risk pregnancy. He's angry all the time now. Anything I say now annoys him to no end. Anything. I'm sure sometimes I'm annoying... But sometimes it's something as simple as ... For example - tomorrow it a crucial day for me I'll be 26 weeks. I lost my baby at 26 weeks last time so it's a big milestone. He thinks its a ridiculous milestone because he's had faith this baby is gonna make it. So I told him today... So happy... "Hey tomorrow I'll be 26 weeks" and instead of saying "great. See baby we made it. " he gets annoyed and a mad face and says "well I told you that milestone was ridiculous in the first place. Get over it". It hurt so bad. I've tried talking to him and he just says "your way to emotional I'm not talking about this" and continues to watch tv.
He's pushing me away. I can't even kiss him anymore. It doesn't feel the same. He's not the same person I fell in love with. I course I love him. I want it to work. I want our son to have a family. But it just seems so impossible right now. I feel so lonely. He started off being so great with R. I'm starting to resent him and if I had the money I am almost positive that I would get my own place just to have my own space. But I don't because I got laid off for being high risk and I don't want to go to my family... Once again... Devestated by yet another failed relationship.
I'm getting tiered of trying and feeling so hopeless.