Especially in the first few weeks, months I found some of the suggestions by Michele Weiner-Davis to help me. Her method gave me back a sense of control when everything was out of control. The first thing I took control of was when he criticized me (or it seemed that way to me. I would be defensive, but I turned it around very early on and just either 1. admitted my mistake or 2. Thanked him for his suggestions. Doing this consistently not only gave me sense of CONTROL but also greatly improved our relationship-...the criticisms stopped fairly quickly.
ALSO the other things I did was to THANK him for EVERYTHING he did...every little thing...either with word or a gesture, little touch look in his eyes....I was in CONTROL...this helps our marriage to start turning positive...
Okay, they helped me, and us. Having CONTROL of the relationship gave me POWER back when I felt so powerless. Now I am working on ASKING for what I need DIRECTLY and not letting him GUESS....I SAY it right and then thank him when he does...I am also fine if he says no...I am graceful with my reply and that makes him feel loved and accepted and then I will gradually get more as well...we build together, but I can have an amazing amount of control with how it goes...this helps me.
[This message edited by morethantrying at 10:32 PM, October 20th (Sunday)]