I've had my first major fallout with FWH since all this crap started and it's rocked my very core!
I've been in hospital after having major surgery (so apologies for any weird advice the last couple of weeks). I was on some extremely strong meds ) and I found out that the symptoms I have been suffering with for the last couple of years are probably permanent and cannot (probably) be resolved- although I will not yet give up hope.
Understandably I am off kilter and a tad scared! And also currently housebound so am like a caged animal
I've been a bitch to those around me- for which there is no excuse.
Call it med brain, fear of the future or plain old 'unable to cope with the physical pain AND hating the way the meds make me feel' and you get the fact I've just been really hard to get along with.
Anyway, in the mix I had to try sort something for our DS and my brain just couldn't handle the pressure so, a few hours ago, I snapped !!
I told FWH I was sick of being the go to guy all the time and sick of him and DS laughing about how I always try to "micro manage stuff" and sick of how they always say to just "chill the hell out and back off" and that how this particular issue at this particular time just goes to show they say one thing and yet mean another! (It was an issue that meant I couldn't just dip in then back off!)
He gets all annoyed as he feels I'm attacking him personally ( I'm not meaning to- I'm just in over my head and need someone to catch hold of) but then tries to help by taking over to help DS (and me) out but, for whatever reason, DS's still coming to me for clarity in the meantime (he kept texting me while FWH was trying to call him and sort out his issue). I lost it -as I couldn't help due to all the above.
And then FWH came out with this little gem .....
"You're a bitch! Just like your mother!
Argument won! Game over! Do not pass go! Jackpot!Ding Ding Ding!!
Innocuous remark? No. He said it to put me right back in my place. My mother tries to control everything and everyone who knows me knows I do everything in my power to not be the same so it was a low blow.
Agreed-I've probably pissed my family off a lot over this last week and FWH's probably had enough too ....but I thought I had a little bit of grace due to circumstance but I guess not.
I'm upset and cannot bring myself to even attempt to resolve this issue which is childish I know. I'm not passive aggressive and like to face stuff head on but I'm stonewalling him!!
And there's a tiny thought that is at the periphery of my brain which keeps whispering to me "this is it! I'm done!"
I know that's probably med brain talking and I will be here next week eating humble pie and telling people R ain't easy but my M is spectacular now which is what makes R so worth it ( because- essentially- I truly believe that to be so) but at this moment in time I feel like I am done and if I could physically pack my stuff and walk out the door then I would be gone.
Winning an argument by putting someone down? How childish!
But to kick 'em when they're already down? Low blow MrDoubtfire!
Maybe I'm taking it out of context because of how I feel right now and am blowing his remark out of all proportion? Who knows? What I do know is I'm thinking- right here, right now- that this guy is a total asswipe!!
I don't know whether to or but I DO know I'm as hell!
I will check in but can't promise to be prompt with any replies to this post. This will be due to a combination of "where I am right now" with a bit of added "self pity!" thrown in.
Thanks for listening and, as always, any 2x4s graciously accepted!