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OW allows 10-year-old to see her naked

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flygirl123 posted 10/20/2013 23:41 PM

My beautiful 10-year-old son comes home from his Dad's house for weekend visit only to tell me that the howrecker left the ONLY bathroom door standing wide open while she was naked. He saw her.

I'm pissed.

Nature_Girl posted 10/21/2013 00:22 AM

I would report this to my lawyer & possibly the authorities (if you think this was a deliberate accident).

dmari posted 10/21/2013 01:21 AM


That's abusive. Does he have a therapist? I feel so sorry for your DS.

shiloe posted 10/21/2013 06:14 AM

What a eff'n whore, really, you can't close the door?

I would let Dad know that he needs to tell his Ho to keep it covered when DS is there or you are going to look into indecent exposure charges.

SBB posted 10/21/2013 06:15 AM

Yuck. Just yuck.

What the fuck is wrong with her. He is 10 FFS.

flygirl123 posted 10/21/2013 07:29 AM

I told the boys' "dad" that I would appreciate it if she would make an effort while they are there to keep her clothes on and/or the door locked if she didnt.

He freaked out and called our son a liar.

He then told me to "fuck off.

Nice.

Abbondad posted 10/21/2013 07:40 AM

I would be very pissed too, flygirl. But I would broach it calmly to your ex, informing him of this and of your concern.

This would be a first step. Don't make any decisions (IMO) at this time, like contacting DCF. But the fact is your children are legally required to be in an environment that is moral and suitable for their age.

This is just wrong, and I hope that addressing it calmly will put a stop to it.

If it does not stop, then gloves off.

(Oops, I hadn't read your last posting before posting my response. What a dick. In this case, make it clear that there will be consequences if this continues.)

[This message edited by Abbondad at 7:43 AM, October 21st (Monday)]

SBB posted 10/21/2013 08:12 AM

Fuck me. Now your son is going to be raked over the coals for this by his POS father.

I'd be moving towards legal action. Is your son in IC? If not I would strongly suggest involving an IC.

That is just NOT normal. If it was an accident she would (should) be mortified. What if it is not an accident? Yuck.

Gemini71 posted 10/21/2013 09:31 AM

Since XH didn't react well to your request, I'd definitely pursue the legal angle. If the genders were reversed and a man had exposed himself to DS or DD, he'd be thrown in jail.

If DS is in IC, the C may be a mandatory reporter.

Check with your lawyer to see what your responsibility is to protect your child. I was told that if I suspected abuse by STBX or OW during visitation, I could be held responsible for child endangerment if I didn't report it or end visitation. You need to protect yourself and DS.

Nature_Girl posted 10/21/2013 09:55 AM

Since XH didn't react well to your request, I'd definitely pursue the legal angle. If the genders were reversed and a man had exposed himself to DS or DD, he'd be thrown in jail.
If DS is in IC, the C may be a mandatory reporter.

Check with your lawyer to see what your responsibility is to protect your child. I was told that if I suspected abuse by STBX or OW during visitation, I could be held responsible for child endangerment if I didn't report it or end visitation. You need to protect yourself and DS.

This!!!

Undefinabl3 posted 10/21/2013 10:09 AM

My beautiful 10-year-old son comes home from his Dad's house for weekend visit only to tell me that the howrecker left the ONLY bathroom door standing wide open while she was naked. He saw her.

I was going to at least TRY to give her the benefit of the doubt...you know - was it at like 7am when most kids are asleep.

But honestly - i have a hard time being naked in front of my 4 year old!

This is beyond me.

I also agree with Gemini71...if the genders were reversed this would be an arrestable offense.

flygirl123 posted 10/21/2013 20:34 PM

I have an appointment already scheduled with my attorney on Wednesday...so I sent an email to him to give him a heads up about one of the things we obviously need to discuss.

It is sad that I have to deal with this shit...and beyond tragic that this is the life that this asshole thinks is appropriate for my children.

ruinedandbroken posted 10/21/2013 22:04 PM

How fucking disgusting. What an effing whore.

painfulpast posted 10/22/2013 05:31 AM

He called your son a liar???

So she can sleep with a married man, but it's beneath her to leave a door open?

Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?

He's certainly father of the year, huh? And this tramp needs this much validation that she wants to be the star of a 10 year old's fantasies? What a completely disgusting pig. Seriously - I would ask the lawyer if it's possible to have your H have only supervised visitation or that OW needs to leave during visitation. If she isn't bright enough to see this is wrong, and XH won't even address it, then let the courts tell her how 'inappropriate' her behavior is.

I used quotes around inappropriate, because I really meant whorish.

How sad for your children that their father is choosing some pig over them.

ChoosingHope posted 10/22/2013 08:01 AM

I can't believe he called your son a liar. Good luck with your attorney tomorrow.

I hope something can be done. Are you documenting everything? I'm sure you are.

Unbelievably sad.

nealos posted 10/22/2013 08:33 AM

This may be obvious, but have you talked to your kid about what's going on? ...if he tells you that he saw OW naked at Dad's house, then all of a sudden he's not allowed to see Dad, that could be really confusing. Without some download of information or discussion around boundaries, the message is: "if I tell Mom about Dad's house, then I'll be taken away from Dad." That's obviously not your intent, and I think your actions are to protect him from nuanced sexual abuse. He needs to know that it's generally not okay for an adult to be naked in front of a child-- that what you're doing it because you love him-- and he should have the space to ask questions and express his feelings to you (and probably a therapist).

Your child sharing with you about something confusing & shameful like sex/nudity is a gift. You're obviously a good parent. Good luck!

[This message edited by nealos at 8:35 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]

Iamhappytoday posted 10/22/2013 23:04 PM

Wow.

Just...wow. Growing up I saw my mom and my step-mom (not a homewrecker, very good lady), naked a handful of times and I mean once or twice. Being as how we were all female it wasn't anything tawdry or weird, and they were very aware of being modest, but also not flaunting. My mom seemed exceptionally uncomfortable, actually. If a member of the opposite sex had done that you better believe some bells would have been rung.

What awful behavior you are dealing with.

I gotta say by the time my step-mom was nude around me I was probably at least into puberty, they'd been married for years, I'd known her my whole life, and we discussed female related things. They were each just changing clothes while I was in the room talking to them.

(not at the same time, of course!) ;)

I give those experiences as examples of nudity that was not inappropriate, to highlight the difference that your son's experience was exceptionally inappropriate.

Your situation is different, wrong, and who doesn't know to close a door??????

Nobody.

What trash.

[This message edited by Iamhappytoday at 11:10 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]

Faithful w/Love posted 10/23/2013 13:46 PM

Ewwwwwww!
Sometimes I wonder what goes thru ppls head. Yuck! My son hasn't seen me naked sense he was very little except on accident and we both screamed and I ran to shut the door. I didn't know he came home! EMBARRASSING!

Heal&Deal posted 10/23/2013 23:38 PM

Okay, I have to lean to the other side of the boat here.

Now if she was dancing naked in the living room, not okay. But, I'm getting that she just forgot to shut the door or could have momentarily opened it to air the bathroom. If she is not used to your son being there full time, this could be an easy mistake, especially if in a hurry.

Am I missing something here? Do you suspect that she was purposefully exposing herself to your son? Is this a pattern of behavior with her? Was she engaging in inappropriate behavior when he saw her?

And...no, I do not think that if a little girl saw a grown man shaving naked in the bathroom mirror, because the door was left ajar, there would be grounds for a charge. I personally walked in on my stepdad a few times. What I learned? Knock when a door is closed. Announce your presence before enter a bedroom or bathroom that is not yours.

My 3 yo, burst through the bathroom door a few weeks ago when my SO was using the toilet. The door was closed, but not locked. SO simply said, "I am using the toilet and would like some privacy. We can talk when I am finished." DS jabbered on about whatever he needed to tell SO and then left. The door does not lock, because DS locked himself in once and I had to remove the doorknob, so safety takes precedence and the doorknob was switched for a non locking model, until DS can consistently manipulate the lock.

The fact is, when people share living space, they are bound to see one another naked on occasion.

What is egregious is XH's reaction. What a jerk. Why could he not simply offer to caution AP to be more careful about closing the door when disrobing?

[This message edited by Heal&Deal at 11:41 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]

heartache101 posted 10/24/2013 00:00 AM

Let us know what the lawyer says.
I would demand her never to be allowed to be aroound your son. This is not an act of responsible parenting.
The x is an asshat to call his son a liar. I would demand therapy for son at x's expense!
Just WOW!

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