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Newest Member: mojorisin (61886)

User Topic: The Wedding Crasher
♀ 30498
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well despite my son's initial refusal to allow his father to bring OW2 to his wedding, he has now relented due to ex H's sociopathic behavior. It is all about HIM and his whore apparently. The wedding will take place 26 Jan next year and sadly I am dreading it. I could create a drama of my own but I have decided to be there no matter what to support my son. In a way it will be quite good for Sir Shagalot to see everyone's non-reaction to his whore. It is ludicrous that she would even want to be there but that's narcissism for you.

Any tips on how to remain composed throughout?


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1102 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
♀ 27148
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I have tried the Xanax solution for things like this.

I am not a drug user or abuser, however the few times I did this it (.5 of one pill) helped tremendously. I was calm and cool and dignified and able to enjoy the event.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 9:17 AM, October 21st (Monday)]

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Posts: 4736 | Registered: Jan 2010
♀ 36883
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. No group pictures - even at sons request honestly. I know this may 'make a scene' but if it is handled before the big day, then there will be no issues.

2. Ignore, ignore, ignore. don't say hi, dont make small talk.

3. Walk away. Anytime they are by you, walk away.

4. Don't Drink. Or at least only have the drink at the toast and no more. Liquid Courage can turn into liquid Stupid pretty fast.

Hang in there....i can't begin to imagine the stress. Your son will remember your compassion and love, and your ability to keep it cool even with Sir Shagalot's whore there.

Me: 32 MH
Him: 39 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit
Phone Find 11/21/14 - I can't even right now.
1/26/15 - Started IC for me, DH won't go.

Posts: 2393 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's got some audacity.

Why did he relent?

If it were me and I was presented with "If she can't come, then I'm not coming", then I'd be like "ok, your choice"

He shouldn't set the precedence of being allowed to be kept an emotional hostage to his father's entitlement.

BW - 40
DD - 7 years old
D-day OW#1 2/2004;D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 5494 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
♀ 16482
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I got married my mother refused to attend my wedding if my father brought the OW. They were D 4 years before. It put a tremendous stress on me as I was caught in the middle, and I still feel it was a cloud over my wedding day. Luckily the OW backed out but not before I had a very ugly phonecall with Dad.

Now my son is getting M in the spring and I plan to attend, with my head held high and dancing the night away with my grandkids. Ignore them!

I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.

Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
♀ 5929
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You wear something fabulous. You hold your head high and pretend she does not exist. You have nothing to be ashamed of. She does, and she's probably gonna act all kinds of obnoxious to try and overcompensate for the fact that she is unwelcome. Let her be trashy but don't react, let her dig her own hole. Don't let her bait you into being the once to make a scene.

You could also enlist some close friends/family to run interference and keep her away from you.

12/18/15 found out my now EX boyfriend was trolling CL for underage girls. From the cops. The fun never stops.

Posts: 49560 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
♀ 41033
Member # 41033
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The best way to get through it is to focus on one thing and one thing only. Your son. It is his and his bride's day. The best wedding present you can possibly give them is to lay down your anger for a day. As justified as it may be. That day isn't about exes, lies and pain. It's a celebration of love.

My daughter got married a year and a half ago and in spite of them both being there, I had a blast. I even dragged him out on the dance floor to her astonishment...and his. She never danced once. And my daughter was delighted.

The groom's parents had an identical situation to mine except he left his wife for her best friend. His mom would not only not be in room with him, but she wouldn't be in a room with any of his family members either. We had to have two separate showers.

So put on them dancing shoes and show em how it's done.

Posts: 900 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Illinois
♀ 33523
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree w/no drinking. Also, make sure you look FABULOUS!

Treat it like a hand of high stakes poker. Tiniest hint of a shit eating grin, confident, no showing any emotion in their direction.

Congrats to your son!

Me: fBW/MH 40s
3.26.13: Liberation day: D'd the whiny turd after being saddled with a serial cheating, NPD, jitbag 10 years too long
Now: happy in life, happily in love with the RIGHT man -----> Everything is as it should be

Posts: 940 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: The Hostile City
♀ 40963
Member # 40963
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there a good friend that you could assign to be your wing man/lady? Someone to be on alert, keep an eye out for them approaching, remind you of your purpose, etc? That person could also get blunt about not intermingling (if the need arrises) leaving you to be there for your son.

Posts: 118 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ 30498
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 1:33 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your advice people. It is now 9 days before the wedding and I am OK. My ex mother-in-law also died last Thursday which was very sad. We had re-connected over the past few months since her diagnosis and I was with her at the end. Another relationship that was almost fractured completely thanks to his lordship's shit.

I will hold my head up and surrender (as the song goes). Can't promise to stay away from the alcohol though but the upside is that I am a happy drunk.

God Bess everyone. Hope your year turns out to be wonderful afterall.

Love Ellejay

Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1102 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It will be tough, but just remember that the worse she acts, the better she makes you long as you take the high road and ignore her and any of her antics.
Different drama, jealous ex wife. ExW used to make a complete ass of herself at every event she tried to goad me into a pissing contest. She said awful things, and downright rude things to provoke me. I pretended that she wasn't even the point that I would look straight through her and act like everything she said was just a fly buzzing.
My STBXH family used to adore her. They cannot stand her anymore.
She does not get invited to any events even though she is the bio mother of my two DSSs. In their eyes, I am their mother and have been their mother for the last 10 years.
Your situation is a lot harder, Ex W wasn't an OW in our situation. But the same principle applies. No doubt bitchface whore will act a fool, let her, it only makes you look better in your family and children's eyes.
Peace and strength be with you on your son's
special day!
ETA: BTW everyone got a huge laugh out of our humorous act of me tranquilly pretending she wasn't even there and her getting even angrier that she was being ignored by me. If you picture that, it might help you keep your tranquility!

[This message edited by StillLivin at 12:57 PM, January 16th (Thursday)]

"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 4396 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
♀ 39193
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wear something you feel amazing in.
Take a good friend along for support.
Get there early.
Focus on your son and his new bride.
Rest assured that no matter how uncomfortable you feel, OW will be feeling even more so.

Most of all remember that she is nothing more than a "plus one" for this event. She is not family, and she is not permanent. She is temporary.

You are the mom, and that is forever.

Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords

Posts: 1857 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Topic Posts: 12

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