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What questions do you want WS to answer?

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feelingfoolish posted 10/21/2013 07:50 AM

At our next MC session me and WS are going to go over all of the questions that I have regarding the affair. WS has agreed to answer anything I ask.

I am not interested in details of the sexual aspect, but moreso interested in the whats, why, hows, etc.

I want to make sure i have all of my questions covered and maybe some of your thoughts would help me out.

What questions have you/would you ask WS regarding the A? Thanks.

heforgot posted 10/21/2013 07:51 AM

Did he think of me at all during sex with her?

feelingfoolish posted 10/21/2013 08:00 AM

Oh, that's a good one. Not sure if i would want the answer to be yes or no.

OnAnIsland posted 10/21/2013 08:05 AM

Did he wear his wedding ring when they were together?

Where they acting like a couple in public during the A? (Always took place way out of town- no real shot of running into anyone)

How could he come home to me after what he did?

How did he justify proceeding with this A?

Who knew? What did they say or do?

lots of facts about the lies I had been told to get the A going...

Also we have no statute of limitations on questions. I still have new ones once in awhile. I sit on them for a bit to make sure I want to know the information.

Good luck. It helped me a lot to do this with the MC there. She slowed things down and let me breathe when the information was overwhelming.

befuzzled110 posted 10/21/2013 08:12 AM

Who else knew?
Who else had confronted him or asked him if he was having an affair?
Did they use any of our vehicles for their pleasure?
Did they ever meet and fool around in our house?
How did he justify, or give himself permission to have the affair?
How long did it really last?
What was the start date? Was there a real end date?
Did they pretend to have a "real" relationship?
Where did they go on dates? Where did they meet?
Did he give any gifts?
Did he use a computer at all to further the affair?
What are all the passwords?
What sites did he frequent?

OldCow18 posted 10/21/2013 08:51 AM

feelingfoolish, do they still work together?

Eudaimonia posted 10/21/2013 09:00 AM

Excellent topic. And since WH is currently working on version 15+ of full disclosure, I've been thinking about this.

All of the above questions are great.

I'd like to add:

Since you went around saying we were in an "open marriage", where was MY open marriage? Why was I not allowed to partake in this and why was I ensured day after day to my face that it was 100% exclusive because that's what you wanted?

If the AM/CL/AFF, etc was "only to solicit cybering and phone sex, why did the profiles state that you were looking for local/nearby men and women?

I have more but have to run, but the most important for me are these two:

Why the heck did you get married AT ALL?
Why the heck not just get an effing DIVORCE, first?

Ostrich80 posted 10/21/2013 11:15 AM

Ohh soo many.
How did you find the time to meet...what were you telling me when you would meet her?

What have you told her about me/us?

Do you love her, when did you know you did?

How did it start, who made the first move and wtf happened that day to make you tell yourself it was ok

Why are here?

Drowninginitall posted 10/21/2013 11:19 AM

Oh many things.
One big one for me right now is
why would you continue to see/talk after the first time you told me no contact?
Why would you ask her how she is doing through all of this?
Why were you worried about her feelings of not seeing you and not your wife's feelings through all this?
Why would you make time away from work to see her when you can make time away from work to be home with your family?
What details about your marriage you share with her?
Did she know that your wife didn't want you speaking with her?
Did you tell her why she was not to call your cell phone?
So so many more that will come out through MC.

feelingfoolish posted 10/21/2013 12:17 PM

@OC18: Yes, they still work together.

Thank you, everyone!! These are some great questions.

feelingfoolish posted 10/21/2013 12:28 PM

Here are my list of questions so far. Please feel free to comment or make suggestions.

*Did my behavior in any way make you think that cheating on me was going to be okay? That I’d ‘get over it or that I would stay no matter what you did to me?
*Who at your job knows about the affair? Did anyone say anything to you directly about it?
*When did you really, truly officially end the affair? When was the last time you were intimate?
*What made you decide to end it?
*What did you buy her for Christmas last year?
*How did it start with her? What made her different? What did you notice about her? What made it okay to continue?
*What material gifts did she give you? Hats? Athletic Slides? Shirts?
*Why did you continue to lie to me that you weren’t seeing her? If shewas that important to you, why keep lying to me and not leave me?
*What if she had gotten pregnant?
*What gifts have you bought her? Flowers? Camera? What else?
*What, in your opinion, would have been the right way for me to act/behave after discovering the affair and your continued contact with her?
*How many times have you given her money? How much?
**Why were you worried about her feelings through all of this and not mine?
** What did you tell her about me and our marriage?
** How often did you go to her house?

* Has she ever been to our house?
*Ever tell OP that you ‘strung me along’ for many years?
*Did you go to a memorial service/funeral when her dad died?
*Did she introduce you to others as her boyfriend?
*Do you realize how mean and hateful you treated me during the affair?
*Have you two ever gone out of town together other than TownA? Did you go to (southern state) with her?
*What other places in public did you go?
*Did you tell me you had to work OT and then go over to her house after work?
*Have you ever said you were working a full shift and were really using a vacation/sick day to hang out with her?
*When (relative) was shot, did you stay at or go over to her house and say you were at the hospital in our hometown?
*Did your parent’s anniversary party have an effect on your feelings of our marriage?
*When you were ignoring me for sex, but having it with her, did you think about my needs not being me and how it might affect me?
*Did you ever tell her that you regret our marriage?
*Other than OP, have you had any physical/sexual contact with another woman?
*Did you two have any TV shows that you watched together?
*Did you ever call her from the payphone at the local gas station?
*Did you tell her at any time during the affair that you would leave me?
*Has she made any threats to you about your job?
* Did you consider that this affair would affect the boys also?
*Are you willing to work on this marriage and make some compromises?
* Did you really think this A would jeopardize your job if found out?

[This message edited by feelingfoolish at 12:31 PM, October 21st (Monday)]

Skye posted 10/21/2013 12:33 PM

My question is "why did you think I would still want a marriage with you?"

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