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Newest Member: Herself (45715)

User Topic: Fighting with myself
befuzzled110
♀ 35787
Member # 35787
Angry  Posted: 8:01 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am finding myself in a situation where I feel in my gut that WH is not doing what he should and is/has actually taken behaviors underground. I haven't confronted yet, as the advice is always to get hard evidence. Which is truly the best thing in my situation, as WH will lie and lie and lie until I throw something tangible in front of him, showing him that I know the concrete truth. But this is killing me. I hate that I have to wait. I have to wait, because I only have limited time, opportunity, and money to gather what I feel I need to confront. I have vented in letters and online (here) and in a blog...all just to keep my mind clear and to keep me from going to him before I have the hard evidence...but it's not working. Today I am teetering on writing WH a letter, not giving away HOW I know what I do know...but to tell him that I do know...If that makes any sense. I have written a letter accusing. I have written a letter explaining why. I have written an anger filled pile of words that isn't fit to send to anyone....I am now living off of 3 hours a sleep a night. I am new to job (literally just two weeks in) and can not allow this to distract me from other goals that I have set just for myself...Either someone should help me pen a letter or talk me out of a large mistake of sharing info that will not help me in the long run. Ugh. I hate living like this. It is literally eating me up inside. I am completely out of patience. Damn it...


Me: 37 and awesome
Him: 42 and not so awesome
OW1: 47 and desperate OW2: 34, freshly divorced, was once my friend OW3: is OW1 who took in WH during seperation.

Posts: 201 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Michigan
Drowninginitall
♀ 40968
Member # 40968
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in the same situation where my husband has taken things underground due to my accusations and calling him out on stuff. I have revealed my sources too soon two different times. It has just caused me to have to work harder. I'm also in the same station where he will lie until I show him hard evidence and then he will admit something. It's no way to live.
I'm sorry for your pain. I would ask yourself how much hard information you need to make a decision for the next step. If he's not holding up his end of the bargain what will you do and what will you want and how much information will take to get you there. It's so hard because I'm not ready to call it quits and my husband has been taking the steps to show me his EA is over, but not 100%. Stuff has come out and he continues to waver. For us it will take proof of no contact, marriage counseling and complete honesty and transparency before I decided next step. I have decided not to give him any more information that I have until we have spent a couple sessions with a counselor. I don't know if it's the right move, but he will get me some answers first and see how honest he's being. Good luck in your journey I don't have much advice past that as I am new here.

Posts: 119 | Registered: Oct 2013
Pippy
♀ 16482
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trust your gut. Sorry but for me, 3 strikes he's out. You deserve so much better. You are working hard at improving your life and deserve to be happy.

Your health is suffering with lack of sleep. Please take care of YOU first and then you'll know best what to do about your suspicions.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Topic Posts: 3

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