Am I depressed because I was "happy" that we were able to just have a good time together (I shouldn't have to be grateful for that, because thats what a family should do! Follow my logic?)
Or this morning when I just didn't want to move, I was getting ready like a robot- is that just because its Monday?
Then the whole ride to work- am I regressing? Am I angry? Am I sad?
I should talk to him. But what would I say? I cant even connect a thought in my own head and every time I land on a reason for how im feeling, or how he can fix it...I come up blank.
I re read about the "Plateau" and I even read a little about the 180. Scared myself because that is the first time I went there.
Maybe I feel like I should be doing something, and I just don't know what.
I think I am in that "waiting for the epiphany" stage.I know there won't be one...dribs and drabs, dribs and drabs...
On the bright side, here are some things I have figured out this morning...
*Time. Time. Time. It takes time.
*He has not done anything differently this weekend than he has done every weekend since this started. He is doing all that he can and more.
*Just because he is doing all of the right things does not mean I should be "better."
* I should not feel guilty because I am not "better." I am getting better. We are getting better, I can't rush this.
* Maybe my Monday morning blahs are my neediness and insecurities cropping up because he is not right there to reassure me.
*Maybe the whole weekend going by without a serious "talk" is what has me panicky. There's that "A' as the security blanket again.
*just telling him that I miss him and am feeling weird is enough for now. Just texted him and his response automatically made me feel better deep down inside.
Thank you for reading friends. I don't always have a question, per se...but sometimes it helps to express myself through posts, and then hear your related feelings/expriences.
[This message edited by Wondertwin at 8:23 AM, October 21st (Monday)]
I thought I had stopped pretending. I was wrong.
Me- BS 41
Him- WS 38 and STBX
2 DS- 15 and 16
DDay 1- 07-24-2013
DDay 2: EA w/CoW, 06-15-2017
I don't all the whys, but my H learned to be extra loving on Monday mornings (often including sex) and would text me often. We also make Sunday nights a special time together, typically with a shared bath with all the trimmings.
And it got better. I no longer trigger on Mondays, or after vacations.
Best of luck. I wouldn't over analyze it; just try to ride it out with your husband's support.
Even a discord-filled weekend like ours feels like connection compared to the sterile, coldness of Mondays.
I woke up around 3am and started thinking about all of it again and put myself in a funk.
Me too! Its like that movie "Amityville Horror" where the clock strikes 3:14 am and I pop up and can't stop the paranoia. Its definitely gotten better though, over the past week or so.
I wouldn't over analyze it; just try to ride it out with your husband's support.
Thanks so much- I always feel a little more grounded after hearing your responses and relatable stories.
(((((all of you)))))))
Tuesdays have been hard on me, off and on. D-Day was a Tuesday night, and for several weeks following I had a lot of anxiety on Tuesdays and Wednesday mornings.
Now that you bring it up, though, I wonder if the really bad Tuesdays followed a good weekend and some Monday withdrawal.
My WW has been having a case of the Mondays. This morning she's cold, avoiding and aloof. I'm starting to think another DDay is around the corner.
In fact the first 5 days after a weekend are tough
Sorry, I did not mean to make light of your real concern, just saw this on Facebook and could not resist.
Laughter is my defense mechanism...there have been some doozies floating around my house lately in the way of "dark" humor about the A.
But hey...if you don't laugh, you cry, right?
As time moved forward, and those wonderful connecting weekends continued pretty regularly, my Monday blues did start to fade. It doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen given time and genuine R. Hating Mondays are part of the process and as long as your H is remorseful and loving, you just gotta feel what you feel and move forward - even though it easier said than done!
You can do this.....
[This message edited by Dance4Me at 2:33 PM, October 21st (Monday)]
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.” -CS Lewis
As time does move forward, and thise wonderful connecting weekends continued pretty regularly, my Monday blues did start to fade. It doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen given time and genuine R. Hating Mondays are part of the process and as long as your H is remorseful and loving, you just gotta feel what you feel and move forward - even though it easier said than done!
thank you :) I know time will help everything...this Monday was already easier than last Monday.
A very smart person on this site (several actually) has advised that we don't look at the day to day for our "progress" but ...look at where were we two weeks ago, a month ago, 2 months, 3 months (AAAACK) ago...
I definitely see so much progress, and I am so very grateful!
Thank you SI
You can be locked away with each other and don't have to be in a state of "where are they what are they doing". It's a pice of normal back when normal feels so far away.
Talk about your Monday morning fears with your WS, it's the only way to get through them. Together maybe you can figure out what can help you through the Monday blues.
Eventually the start of the work week or your separation time from each other won't be as difficult. It does get better and easier to manage.
I know then my Tuesday will be a Monday but oh well!! Haha...
We spend almost every moment together- wether its cleaning the house, hanging with the kids, grocery shopping, etc. The weekends, from Friday night to Sunday night are ours.
I was ignorant to so much of what goes on after adultery enters a marriage. We actually had 2 months of weekly MC immediately following my DD.....guess what day we choose? MONDAY!
It took me 2 months to see this pattern of really bad pain on Monday. In my case, I saw emails that my wife sent to her AP basically praying for Monday to get here so she could be done with me and back with him. So I even had strong clues as to why Mondays would be tough for me....just took a while to connect the dots.
But even without that I see so many folks on here wrestles with Mondays.
They do get better....some of my early Mondays I had to actually look at my boots and force my feet to walk to my work truck...as I think about those days they happened during the time period when my wife took her EA to the PA level......oh well.
It does get better....compared to THOSE Mondays, today was a cake walk.
Funny how we get use to things.....there was a time when I thought $3 a gallon gas was outrageous!
Hang tough Wondertwin...I am following your journey with much interest....you seem to be clicking right through your journey....half way expect to see you pass me!
God be with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 7:36 PM, October 21st (Monday)]
A very smart person on this site has advised that we don't look at the day to day for our "progress" but ...look at where were we two weeks ago, a month ago, 2 months, 3 months
.....that would be me!
(okay, so it wasn't me...feeling a bit playful tonight....Please just indulge me!)
It's so sad to realize I felt like that for so long.
I thought that was the reason I hated Mondays. This thread made me realize that yes, WS would connect with her at work and during lunch hour...so...yes, I am nervous all day on Mondays...wondering if he is going to attempt to reconnect with her after the weekend.
Rationally, I am 90% sure he isn't doing that...but I'll NEVER be 100% sure. Who can be? An affair teaches us that you can never fully trust anyone ever again. :(
[This message edited by Wondertwin at 5:30 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]