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Newest Member: OneLittleVictory (61821)

User Topic: Am I Wrong?
♀ 40168
Member # 40168
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been awhile since I've posted.
About a month or so ago, WH finally wrote his NC message to the OW and some woman he had been messaging on FB (they were friends, he started developing an emotional affection to her).
In his NC messages, I felt like he was putting all the "blame" on me on why he couldn't talk to them anymore. I had asked him before he sent the messages to let me read over them first...which he did not do. He sent them as soon as he wrote them out.
He basically told the OW that he told me he had an affair with her. He said he was an asshole. He also said that I asked him to issue a NC letter and that he was respecting my wishes. He then told her that I was the one that went on his FB account and said that her page was harassing people (I'll admit that was during one of my low points). I go so pissed at that. He couldn't just say that he wouldn't talk to her anymore...he had to tell her it was because *I* didn't want him to...AND he just had to add that I went onto his account and filed a harassment claim against her.
Now, the "friend" that he felt an emotional attachment with, he basically said the same thing. He told her he had an affair and that he was an ass. Said that I had asked him to issue NC messages to OW and her. Basically put everything on me.
She sent back a LONG ass reply. Said she had no idea that he had feelings for her and had she known, she would have stopped that. Said she had a school girl crush on him back in the day, but that they were just good friends. Wished him luck and told him that she would be there to talk if he ever needed it, but she was going to respect his wishes.
He has not blocked OW's page or removed the "friend" from his FB.
When I brought up that he needed to do that, he said that he sent the NC letters and that should be enough. He also got pissy when I was mad about how he wrote the letters. He said that nothing is good enough for me.
Am I wrong here?
Lately things have been okay here, and I think that he assumes I should just let it all go. We've only been to one counseling session (because our son's daycare has been giving us issues, so we haven't been able to go to anymore counseling until the daycare thing is resolved).
He just doesn't get it, I guess. He told me at the end of July about his affair 5 years ago. I guess he thinks it's been enough time for me to get over it...I don't know.
Am I wrong here? Should I be over it by now?

Me: 26 (BS)
Him: 31 (WS)
Married 5.5 years, together 10 years
He Cheated: June 2008
D-Day: July 30, 2013
Don't know where to go from here...

Posts: 18 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Georgia
♀ 35417
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right and wrong is sometimes hard to pin down.

Right for whom? Wrong for whom?

What I think is more to the point is this...

Does this hurt you? And if it does, shouldn't he want to do whatever he can to help you?

I personally think you are NOT wrong. I am in the same situation - my Wh is rugsweeping and defensive.

But whether we are right or wrong, we deserve to be treated with love and respect.


Hugs to you!

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

Posts: 4606 | Registered: Apr 2012
♀ 11176
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No you are not wrong.

What he has done is left the door open to resume his affairs, and also failed to claim responsibility for his actions.

It sounds like he is following the "words" of your demands but not the spirit and frankly I don't see this as any attempt to R and more of an attempt to rug sweep on his part until you calm down and he can resume his affairs. are not wrong.

What a man-child...


BS: 58
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 7532 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Topic Posts: 3

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