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no expectations + no consequences = entitlement?

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Holly-Isis posted 10/21/2013 09:52 AM

It scares me. Should it though?

MrH lets DS13 get away with a lot. Don't get me wrong, he's a good kid for a teen. He'll ignore me when I tell him to do his chores, fight me on his homework and constantly try to get away with stuff by claiming my boundaries mean his sister is the favorite (shes 9- so has different rules). When DS screws up, MrH excuses it. He doesn't expect much of DS. Heck, when he blows his homework off, MrH gets upset with me.

I worry that one day DS13 will be like his father. He's already got an entitled attitude to some extent. And I'm the one that attempts to set the boundaries and consequences. I worry that this will set up a dynamic that has DS resenting the female in his life and looking at her as someone to subvert. And cheat on.

I'm working on changing the dynamic. I've put my foot down with MrH about the homework. Told him if I'm responsible for DS doing the homework then MrH needs to stop just handing him his phone when DS claims to be bored. Make him read a book or do something creative. There's a class on parenting teens at our church I wanted MrH to attend (I'm teaching 2's during that time). He won't because a friend is teaching it and his oldest is the same age as DS. He does work with teens though and I think has good insight.

I know I'm borrowing trouble. But I worry. I decided to stay because I thought the kids were seeing a good example of a M. Not so much now. I worry I'm raising my son with a cheater attitude. Even MrH says that DS's sweetness started to go away around the time of the A. He had just turned 6yo.

Do you see this in WSs? A childhood with few expectations and consequences?

Ostrich80 posted 10/21/2013 11:01 AM

My ws was not raised in a home like that but he has a,way of having this type of behavior with one of my kids. She's a handful, like he was, has to have the last word, combative at times. He let's her get away with way more than the other kids. I think he used to get his ass beat for being a lil shit so he seems like he associates with her more. I know this causes division and is not healthy for the M or the kid. He let's it be known that I over react and am constantly on her ass, and HE understands her better. This causes a lot of problems between DD and I. I want her to be the best she can be, she doesn't accept responsibility for her actions, much like him. It's not doing her any favors, like your ws isn't either. I think it gives them a chip on their shoulder, if you Kwim. Maybe I ventured off the main topic, but what he's doing is not good for your son, its making ws feel good to be the good guy, and you the meanie that holds him accountable.

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