You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
It went from him having thoughts that he didn't want to be married anymore because he just wanted to be alone to loving me but not being in love with me anymore. His reason for that went from the fact that I didn't like his family when we first got together (15 years before) to me "forcing" him to move to my home town, 10 years before.
He then said that he felt like this all happened for a reason, like some divine intervention occurred to help him find his true happiness. I said, yes, let's not forget that the reason has a name and is a home wrecking slut.
He says different things when the kids corner him about it. At first, he said we fought too much. Funny, I don't remember ever fighting until he told me he didn't want to stay married, and I did most of the fighting since he didn't really want to discuss why he felt the need to ruin his family. He then said he just didn't feel the marriage was working, whatever the fuck that means to a 10 year old kid. Now, he says he still loves mommy, but not like he used to.
I'm sure it will change again over time. None of it matters. What really stands out is that he has never just come out and said he cheated and wanted to be with someone else. It's like if he doesn't say it, it didn't happen that way.
I would have had more respect if he had just said it. I could have done without the caking eating dog and pony show that nearly killed me.
He will never get it. To him, we're all better off now.
From what I have read during my 2+ years on this site, re-writing the marital history and other facts is very commmon.
"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."
ETA: I should clarify that if my kids every say that I've lied about something with regard to their father, then I'd show them the evidence in his own words.
Otherwise, I dont bother talking about XWH to my kids unless they ask a specific question.
[This message edited by GabyBaby at 2:17 PM, October 21st (Monday)]
XWH#1 (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs
DD(21), DS(19, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids - 3 dogs, 2 cats
I edit often for clarity/typos.
He also tells everybody that he divorced me.
I know the truth and that's all that really matters.
It is what it is.
The reasons change because the truth doesn't matter to him. What matters is that he convinces me and anyone else he is speaking to that it is not his fault.
No surprise that cheating isn't a factor in his warped mind.
This blows my mind (it's the case here too). It was always something ELSE. Not the fact that he lied and cheated!!! GAH!
I said, yes, let's not forget that the reason has a name and is a home wrecking slut.
Good answer, suckstobeme!
I have no contact with any of our old friends or her family, so I have no idea what The Princess is telling them, but I'm sure it doesn't paint HER as the guilty party. Have I mentioned that she doesn't do anything wrong?
Her reason is that we were just never a good match - and that is totally true - but we were a bad match for 17 years. Her planning a threesome with her best friend, and that friend's married boyfriend was the catalyst that got my arse moving out the door though.
And I suppose there were the others as well. God, she's fucked up.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous
The only one he was consistent with was "OW has nothing to do w/this. We were divorced anyway". He first spouted that one w/in days of DD. Funny, considering I had no idea that we were divorced. I guess all his talk about renewing our vows abroad for our upcoming anniversary confused me into thinking I was still M'd.
There was also the classic "You destroyed everything to the degree that it can never be fixed". I often felt like he was saying the shit to me that he felt about himself.
He has painted himself as the victim the entire time. When I was still talking to him, I'd simply tell him that the D was due to his A & his mistress.
I think in these situations, ppl easily suss out what is the truth, ie, who the real aggrieved party is. In my case, how credible is it to cry about cheating Vulcanized & by the way, this is my brand new girlfriend? This incident having taken place less than a month after I left him.
I hope she enjoys changing his Depends.
[This message edited by h0peless at 7:15 PM, October 21st (Monday)]
I think I've had wasps and bees sting me in a nicer way than that.
He also said he didn't have any feeling for ow until the day he moved in with her. Again...WTF?!?!?! I could drive myself insane thinking about all the crazy hurtful things he said about our marriage, most which were completely untrue and very, very hurtful.
Not sure how he explains away the part where he's the "respondent" in our D.
[This message edited by Rainbows at 8:30 PM, October 21st (Monday)]
We were not fighting or arguing. We were adopting a baby and were on cloud 9.
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
And the reasons change every time he opens his mouth. But then, if he could really admit why...he probably wouldn't have left!
[This message edited by Softcentre at 11:31 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]
Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.
nothing was ever good enough for me... I was actually asking to just be loved, you know maybe a hug?
I made him marry me.... Okay
I was trying to always change him... I truly don't remember doing that unless it was something mean he did.
Loves me but not in love... umm then why are you still telling me you love me.
And the lastest...because I looked in his phone and I can't be trusted!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"