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livebythesea posted 10/21/2013 15:16 PM

Men / women who cheat and lie about it are scum . The lowest. No dignity to reveal the truth. Lie lie lie.

My sister s husband cheated on her. He came home, cried and cried and told her about it. He was sorry, and drunk when it took place. Mine, well he lied for 17 years about it ( his first ons) . Then he did it again. He confessed 1.5 years later.

Lionne posted 10/21/2013 17:32 PM

Well, I agree that while they are cheating and lying, they are scum...but I do believe in the ability to change and atone. None of us is perfect and we all are capable of making horrendous mistakes.

I am trying hard to reconcile. My SAFWH is working hard to be a better man. I can tell you that I don't ever want to see his OW(plural) as I will never believe they are capable of remorse (I'm equally sure I don't know that for certain, lol) but I'll never give them that opportunity, they are strangers.

Continued anger only hurts me. That is easy to say and a lot harder to live.

I hope you can find peace...

mchercheur posted 10/21/2013 17:33 PM


Do not blame yourself that you were unknowingly married to scum-----you are a trusting, loving honorable person, & assumed that your WH was the same.
Had you known how broken he is, you would never have married him.
It is possible that if he works hard, he can become the man you thought he was, but that is only if he does the work.

Truly posted 10/21/2013 17:39 PM


I'm also having one of these days. Just a crappy, crappy triggery kind of a day.

So, I have to agree,

Lying beeping liars, cheating beeping cheats. Ugh

I hope tomorrow is better x

You know that change is possible but sometimes the vent (and chocolate brownies) help shift the cloud x

notquiteoverit posted 10/21/2013 17:45 PM

I can't look at my WS as being scum. Yes, he did a scummy thing, but he is remorseful and working hard to be a better person. Besides, what would it say about me to be reconciling with scum? On the other hand, the trashbag OW he was involved with really is scum. No remorse, just lots of woe and excuses.

angerisme posted 10/21/2013 17:51 PM

It is so interesting to survive these fools and then look back over the years to see how I have grown and become stronger and HAPPIER! When I first caught him cheating my life came to a screeching halt. I lay in bed a year and willed my life to end. I wanted to die and I damn near did. Then I decided it had all been a mistake and i was not a good wife so i became super wife and slut of the year in bed. that year of life did one thing...robbed me of my self-respect and filled me with humiliation at my weakness. Then came the year of BITCH. Yes, she does live inside of you and she will leave you, your cheating scummy husband, and everyone that knows you in awe and fear. Bitch was powerful and yep...nuts.

The past 3 years has been ME!!!!! I am in full control of my life. I am happier than I have been since being single. I no longer expect anything from scum except my money!!! I managed to keep my beautiful house, car, & standard of living even while distancing from him and becoming unattached. I have been absolutely celibate for 3 years however I have recently met someone. WILL survive this everyone. Dont believe a word they tell you...stand on your own two feet!

LMomof2 posted 10/21/2013 17:55 PM

Just started posting today as my Dday was Oct. 15. Please read my story on "JUST FOUND OUT" forum. Like you, I am in my 50s and married for 36 years. I can't fathom this happening after all this time. Hang in there. I got the same story your sister did...happened because he was drunk and he was so sorry. But I have found evidence of such behaviors in the past. As if there is anything that would excuse infidelity. I found many wise and compassionate people here on this site and for that I am grateful. Hang in there, livebythesea, We'll get through this and be stronger and better people for it. HUGS

Crushed1 posted 10/21/2013 22:14 PM


brokenhrt1 posted 10/22/2013 01:09 AM

39 years married, affair going on more than 12 yrs. She was a friend. And I just found out there were other affairs also. I wonder if my head was stuck in the sand. I though we had a wonderful relationship. OW has moved in my home. I'm no longer there. I can not handle this. She talks to me like this is normal. BTW she is 20 yrs younger than my WS. I want to slap her! She asked him for sex right there in my home while I was at work. It happened many times. His excuse...he loves her! So lets just destroy at the time it was 27 yrs of marriage. By DD 39 yrs! How didthis go on so long without me figuring it out?

jstbreathe posted 10/22/2013 02:36 AM


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