Big hugs, I'm sorry you feel that way.
I've been feeling that way too. What I did that seemed to work was explain to my husband what an emotional cycle I go through on an hourly basis, in detail.
First I'm fine, I'm feeling strong, and using that strength, I make some kind of plans to do something. Then for no reason, ten minutes later, I'm weeping. Through the tears, I become insecure, then furious, then insecure, then furious again, then I start thinking that the fastest way to end my pain is divorce, and I start googling divorce lawyers. Then I re-re-re-re-re-realize that's not what I want at all, and I feel hopeful. Then I feel strong. REPEAT.
So when he asks me "how are you doing?", any answer I give him is only valid for the next, I dunno, five minutes. When I am feeling strong, I tell him that all of those emotions are just coming from the same place: pure pain. I ask him not to get derailed by the manifestations the pain takes (anger, fear, insecurity, sadness), just to understand I'm in pain, and that the same things always help, regardless:
- Communication
- Seeing him doing the work on himself
- Seeing him do nice things for me
- Hearing him apologize
He seems to be doing well with that information.
Me: BW, 30
Him: WH, 36
7 years of double-digit ONS, LTA, hookers - the works.
First found out: August 20, 2013
Whole truth: January 1, 2014