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Worried that DS might have heard something from xWS

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dindy posted 10/21/2013 15:40 PM

This post follows on from my post yesterday asking whether xWS' try to make you feel guilty.

This evening at bath-time my 3.5 year old DS got really upset saying that he is leaving to go and live by himself. He was really upset and I don't know where it came from. I did manage to cheer him up and he eventually got into the bath with his little sister.

I've since been thinking about it and I can not help but feel that yesterday after I told ex that I couldn't take time off work, he might have got angry and slagged me off in front of our children.

Maybe this is why DS has said these things?

Maybe I am looking too far into this but he was really upset and there is nothing that happened at home today to spark this.

I'm really concerned that ex's negativity is rubbing off on him.

meplusfour posted 10/21/2013 16:18 PM

You did the right thing by cheering him up and distracting him from what xWH might have said. At 3.5 years old, he is old enough to overhear things but is quite young for you to ask directly about what happened. I might talk to him about he is feeling and how although it is hard to live apart, you and xWH love him (it might be stretching the truth but DS might need to hear this).

Finally, I would make a note of this incident (and any future incidents) in your daily journal or on the calendar. Write down what DS said, time, location, how he was acting and who was present. If xWH is demeaning you in front of your children on a regular basis, you might need a written record for litigation purposes.

Sending you strength.

dindy posted 10/21/2013 16:26 PM

Thank you meplusfour.

I will reiterate to my DS tomorrow morning that both his dad and I love him very much.

I have also noted this down and I did email ex about this as I'm really concerned. Ex says he has never said anything bad about me in front of our children.

Though I'm not so sure.

dindy posted 10/22/2013 06:10 AM

Ex emailed me saying that it might be worth sitting our DS down and explaining to him why daddy lives alone and that it isn't his fault and that we love him very much.

I did sit DS down this morning and explained to him that mummy and daddy will always love him even though we live apart.

I don't know what ex had in mind but I don't think explaining to DS that daddy had an A, chose OW instead of mummy and the famy unit (even though they are not together) is very appropriate for a 3.5 year old.

I don't think ex will ever want our children to know that.

But when they are older and ask I will explain to them in the gentlest way possible what did happen.

I think they will have a right to know.

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