SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

HFSSC posted 10/21/2013 17:11 PM

Oh, dear Lord.

I have only slept an average of 3-4 hours a night since September 28th. I am tired. I am frayed. I am emotionally wrecked.

In addition, my sister has been dealing with a huge shit sandwich in her family. Not infidelity, at least, but the betrayal is just as bad, as far as I'm concerned.

She's been M for 28 years. In 2007, my BIL went off the deep end and she ended up having him admitted to a psych unit after he jumped from their moving vehicle. He proceeded to sign himself out of the hospital, come to their home, and when she wouldn't open the door, threw a brick through the window and broke the door down. She ended up calling the police and he was arrested and charged with CDV. They have 5 children, one of whom is autistic. Up to that point, he had refused to allow any sort of evaluation or treatment for their autistic child. My sister home schooled until that year, when her oldest was a junior in HS and the youngest was 6. We found out that he had been abusing and isolating her for years. Some stuff we suspected but could never get her to admit. She ended up living in a protected home for about 6 months and then in an apartment they rented from her church. They were S for over a year and a half when she (after being encouraged by his IC) allowed him to come back home. He had supposedly done all sorts of work to become safe. He was dx'ed with PTSD and granted disability because of that and some physical problems.

Okay... over the past 5 years we have found out more and more. BIL smokes pot frequently. It's been a HUGE bone of contention with her, especially when they have struggled financially, borrowed $ from both sets of parents, but he could always find the $ for weed. They have been in MC off and on for 2 years now, and he has adamantly refused to stop using. She's gotten involved in Alanon, and become stronger and stronger and began placing some boundaries and detaching. It's difficulty because he uses his mental and physical illnesses to manipulate her.

Well, my 16 yr old nephew has now descended into addiction hell and I want to seriously hurt my BIL. My sister has done everything in her power to try to protect her kids, keep their family together, and my BIL has actively fought her on everything. When she tried 2 years ago to discipline, enforce boundaries with my nephew, BIL stepped in and accused her of "always picking on him." Anything she did was turned into an attack and a way to team up with her son against her. Nephew's behavior has escalated over the past year and included stealing over $100 from his autistic younger brother, forging a check from his sister's checking account, stealing from multiple family members, facing expulsion from school and his latest adventure, stealing a neighbor's car, joyriding, wrecking it and then putting it back in the driveway like they would maybe not notice it was wrecked.

I'm an addict. I get it. I really do. But there is nothing uglier than an active addict. Seeing the depths that the addict is willing to sink to in order to feed the addiction is just sickening. I love my nephew but I hate his actions right now.

My sister packed up her youngest 2 kids and moved in with our parents about a month ago. It's the best thing she could have done, and she probably should have done it a long time ago. In the time since, BIL has called her multiple times to whine about $. Did I mention she is a piano teacher working every available hour that she can, while also home schooling the kids, while BIL sits on his ass and smokes dope.

I got on fb a little while ago, and my brilliant nephew, who is facing criminal charges, expulsion from school because of his drug use, posts this:

someone please explain to me why marijuana is illegal? the stats show that hemp is by far a more effective and ecofriendly way of producing paper, clothes, ect. The bud has many medical purposes and could generate ALOT of wealth for the country.

Seriously???? I SO badly want to reply something like, "who wouldn't want to legalize a substance that is linked to such wonderful social activities and behaviors, like stealing from your siblings (including your DISABLED YOUNGER BROTHER), stealing from your grandparents, disrespecting every authority and rule, lying, cheating and wasting the hard earned money of decent people around you. That sounds like nirvana."

But I know it would be useless and go completely past him.

Dear God, I love my nephew but I. HATE. FRIGGING. DRUG ADDICTS. WHO. WON'T. GET. HELP. (yes, I know that was me a few years ago. And but for the grace of God would still be me. That makes it even harder to see.)

jrc1963 posted 10/21/2013 17:21 PM

(((HFSSC)))

authenticnow posted 10/21/2013 18:21 PM

(((HFSSC)))

Skan posted 10/21/2013 20:08 PM

I am so very sorry. (((hugs)))

LosferWords posted 10/21/2013 20:23 PM

(((HFSSC)))

HFSSC posted 10/21/2013 20:41 PM

Thanks, y'all. What I ended up doing was posting links to 6 different articles detailing the negative effects. We ended up engaging in an ostensibly constructive conversation. (who knows, since he's really still in active lying mode.)

At any rate, we posted back and forth a few times, then took it to private messaging. I was able to say all the things I wanted to say. Whether he heard them...who knows? I know for me, it took an awful lot of people saying the same things over and over before it finally sank in.

One thing I did... I wrote about the horrible wreck that we saw, told him about holding that 21 year old boy's head together as he was dying, and how stupid and senseless it was. I was pretty graphic.

I told my sister what I was saying, and she is completely on board. BIL will probably get pissed off. Oh well, I will try not to be too upset about that. Actually, he can kiss my entire ass as far as I'm concerned, and I truly HOPE he calls me to give me some crap about it.

Thanks for the hugs.

tushnurse posted 10/21/2013 20:58 PM

Everything and I mean everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is what it takes to wake that kid up. Maybe not but you know in your heart, in your mind and your soul you have done all you can, to save that kid and to save your nephew.

(((( and strength ))))