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Newest Member: betrayedinil (61145)

User Topic: I'm not happy...
♀ 11185
Member # 11185
What?  Posted: 6:58 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm always seeing stories where the adulterer used the "I'm not happy" excuse for his/her affair. My Un-ex used it, also.

I just do not understand that. In what universe would f*cking some POS make you happy. Yeah, I like to have orgasms. Making love with the Un-ex is often transcendent. But the Big O is not the cause of my happiness. It is the deep and abiding connection we have.

Honestly, how could betraying the one person to whom you have made vows make you happy. I think it would make me suicidal. I simply could not live knowing that I had hurt someone who loved me in such a cruel and heartless manner.

What makes me happy?

Sitting and talking with my lovely daughter.
Hugging my granddaughters.
Soft (and deep) kisses from the Un-ex.
Walking my dog.
Long hikes in the mountains.
My alma mater winning at football.
Beach music and shagging.
Reading great novels.
Watching "Big Bang".
Running a 5K in under 25.
Having a zero defect app deployment.
Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Bumping uglies with some drunk I picked up in a bar? Some creep off of AM or CL? Even the dude sitting in the next office? That's never going to happen. Why in the hell would anyone think that would make them happy? Sneaking around, lying, looking in the eyes of your spouse and betraying them? If that makes someone happy, they need to go off to Cheater Island and get happy. But do the rest of us a favour and stay there.

BW -- 58
Divorced 2001
Re-married 2014--on what would have been our 35th anniversary

Posts: 508 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: NC
♀ 41038
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hahaha - great post!! The 'happy' is the ego boost they get that someone wants them. Yeah, it's usually someone not worth it, but that's the 'happy'. They ignore everything else for that rush, that feeling.

I've never understood how it overrides everything else either. Sick if you ask me, but there it is.

Great, great post

DDay - 12/2010
Fully R'd - I love my husband

Posts: 2246 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
♀ 40139
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agreed. I do not understand it at all. My H said he wanted 'validation' - as though my commitment to him, my encouragement to him, my absolute devotion to him were not 'validating'. But lying, deceiving, disposing of all self-respect, showing contempt for the love and loyalty of the person who adored and trusted him, and having sex with a bottom-feeder made him feel like a man. Being able to afford the attentions of a trained-from-the-womb gold digger half his age made him feel SUPER manly. I don't get it.

Me: Believer, 40s
Him: Liar, 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
In successful R. It only hurts now when it rains.

Posts: 865 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 40330
Member # 40330
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amen! I got the, "I'm not happy", "Ilbnil" and "I just want to be single".

I am pretty sure none of the above are true statements, but anything can become an excuse when you want one bad enough.

DD 1: PA 12/4/09 He spent 2.5 years with OW1
R: 8/31/2012
DD 2: EA 8/16/13
BS: 26
WH: 25
1 young daughter.
Terribly disgusted. He refuses to give up his "friend". Headed towards D.

Posts: 138 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: kentucky
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I got "she makes me feel good about myself".

Yeah, whatever.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 9154 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
♂ 34086
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good post. It reminds of a something my wife wrote herself when she started her A - "I finally found what makes me happy". Sadly, it had nothing to do with our family. That couldn't compare to meeting a hot stud on AM. Family life is boring, routine, work, dishes, dinner. Not hot secret sex in the middle of the afternoon while your H is at work. I'll pass.

I've always been happy providing for my family. That and all the simple things in life. I guess I was too easy to please.

Married: 20 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 5497 | Registered: Dec 2011
Topic Posts: 6

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