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I'm always seeing stories where the adulterer used the "I'm not happy" excuse for his/her affair. My Un-ex used it, also.

I just do not understand that. In what universe would f*cking some POS make you happy. Yeah, I like to have orgasms. Making love with the Un-ex is often transcendent. But the Big O is not the cause of my happiness. It is the deep and abiding connection we have.

Honestly, how could betraying the one person to whom you have made vows make you happy. I think it would make me suicidal. I simply could not live knowing that I had hurt someone who loved me in such a cruel and heartless manner.

What makes me happy?

Sitting and talking with my lovely daughter.
Hugging my granddaughters.
Soft (and deep) kisses from the Un-ex.
Walking my dog.
Long hikes in the mountains.
My alma mater winning at football.
Beach music and shagging.
Reading great novels.
Watching "Big Bang".
Running a 5K in under 25.
Having a zero defect app deployment.
Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Bumping uglies with some drunk I picked up in a bar? Some creep off of AM or CL? Even the dude sitting in the next office? That's never going to happen. Why in the hell would anyone think that would make them happy? Sneaking around, lying, looking in the eyes of your spouse and betraying them? If that makes someone happy, they need to go off to Cheater Island and get happy. But do the rest of us a favour and stay there.

Hahaha - great post!! The 'happy' is the ego boost they get that someone wants them. Yeah, it's usually someone not worth it, but that's the 'happy'. They ignore everything else for that rush, that feeling.

I've never understood how it overrides everything else either. Sick if you ask me, but there it is.

Great, great post

Agreed. I do not understand it at all. My H said he wanted 'validation' - as though my commitment to him, my encouragement to him, my absolute devotion to him were not 'validating'. But lying, deceiving, disposing of all self-respect, showing contempt for the love and loyalty of the person who adored and trusted him, and having sex with a bottom-feeder made him feel like a man. Being able to afford the attentions of a trained-from-the-womb gold digger half his age made him feel SUPER manly. I don't get it.

Amen! I got the, "I'm not happy", "Ilbnil" and "I just want to be single".

I am pretty sure none of the above are true statements, but anything can become an excuse when you want one bad enough.

Well, I got "she makes me feel good about myself".

Yeah, whatever.

Good post. It reminds of a something my wife wrote herself when she started her A - "I finally found what makes me happy". Sadly, it had nothing to do with our family. That couldn't compare to meeting a hot stud on AM. Family life is boring, routine, work, dishes, dinner. Not hot secret sex in the middle of the afternoon while your H is at work. I'll pass.

I've always been happy providing for my family. That and all the simple things in life. I guess I was too easy to please.