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Should I just give up?

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cluless posted 10/21/2013 21:29 PM

I'm about 8 weeks after d-day, my WH has given up, he tells me on a daily basis "you will never forgive me or trust me again." Yes that is how I feel right now, all of it is over- whelming. His "issues" is what got us here in the first place and I'm wondering why I'm bothering to try. All I've gotten from day 1 is TT and ALL truths have come from OW's WH. Even when confronted with truth, he continues to lie saying he's embarrassed he acted in this way, etc.

We were doing so much better at the beginning of this, there were times when I couldn't keep my hands off of him, we made passionate love and I felt like we connected in a way we NEVER have until now. His guard was down, for a very short period of time. Is it normal to become more and more de-tached as this sinks in? Or is his attitude contributing to the derailment of this relationship? There are so many hurtful things that he did during his A, beyond cruel and things he continues to say now like "the number 1 reason we didn't run off together is I don't want to be with a flight attendant." He still defends that, but says of course it's because I love you, I want you, I love my wife. He's lied to me SO many times, it's hard to believe anything. Am I fool to even try with this man? He also told me the night I found out about the A (not anywhere close to what really happened) he said "I love her and I always will." He defends this position by saying everybody still loves their first loves, etc. Please read my profile and help me.

If I need a swift kick to my butt, please do it. Please help me, I'm scared and feel as if I'm losing touch with reality.

[This message edited by cluless at 9:30 PM, October 21st (Monday)]

heartbrokeninaz posted 10/21/2013 21:50 PM

I have been with my WH since we were 18. 22 years now! He lied about the A at first because I did not have real proof. I goot real proof and he came clean. I have only been in this for 4 weeks longer then you. All I can say is that he has not lied to me since then about anything. He also has been trying really hard around the house to help. We discuss things when I need to. Our marriage was in trouble! Still no reason to cheat, but I can see that clear as a bell now. I am working on me being a better spouse and actally giving a shit if he talks to me. We were right there with you guys, having a great connection, amazing sex..... we still have an amzing connection and wonderful sex, but it has tapered off a bit. I think that's normal. Life gets in the way but you both have to find things that make you happy together and as individuals. Kids take time, work, etc. Find time for you and don't look back! As long as he is giving you what you need great, if not I would be leery.

heartbrokeninaz posted 10/21/2013 21:53 PM

my husbands A was a ONS might be a little different but if he is helping you and doing the right things I would not be concerned about the sex fading a little bit. As far as the connection, that should be growing not fading.

toughernow posted 10/21/2013 23:12 PM


Hi. Sorry that you have found yourself here. The forum is a good place to get guidance and support.

First, * weeks is not very long in the big picture. Many excellent resources on the recovery after an affair will state that it takes about two years to start to feel "okay" after the A.
Are you in IC? Is he?
The passion you describe sounds like Hysterical Bonding. My fWH and I did this for months after D'Day.
Obviously I cant say for sure, but its a theory.
In my experience it is perfectly normal to be confused in the weeks following disclosure,I sure was!

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