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Newest Member: Catch44 (49899)

User Topic: Can I run away please?
♀ 40547
Member # 40547
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, step by step all moving forward, he is doing it all right..doing great...I even praise him

...YET....the brain will NOT turn off....



our future,

how long will he REALLY hang in there with my recovery...


having trouble moving on, getting on with MY life....


trying to turn it all off

and be
am I nuts, nuts, nuts?

Can I run away please?

[This message edited by morethantrying at 11:08 PM, October 21st (Monday)]

Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 55
Him: WS 62
Married 32 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...

Posts: 333 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Instead of AWAY away, maybe just take a vacation.

The brain goes all tornado for a while. Don't hold yourself to having to be completely positive and have a game plan right now. It's crazytown for a while after DDay. (Admittedly I have no experience with two DDays, and 4 years apart... well, I can't imagine)

Have your thoughts, mull your options, then take a break. You have nothing but time to make a decision. Just try and let things unfold and work on the baby steps until you regain more solid footing.

And yes, if you decide you really and truly want to run away, you CAN.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 11:08 PM, October 21st (Monday)]

Nothing ever goes away until is has taught us everything we need to know. - Pema Chodron

Posts: 24923 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♀ 39228
Member # 39228
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I think every betrayed spouse can relate to exactly what you said. I even thought about copying it and pasting it and sending it to my WS.

It's going to take time. A LOT of time. And if your WS can have three affairs and not give you all the time in the world to recover, then he's so not worth it.

You just have to decide if its worth staying in, do your best to heal, give yourself a ton of TLC and patience, and if he doesn't keep doing is part and/or can't "hang in there with your recovery" ... then he's being unreasonable and NOT doing his part. It takes as long as it takes. You can't worry about him. Just you. You are important. You matter. You don't have to cater to his guilt, hide your pain from him or shelter him in any way. (This is my counselor speaking through me. Things I'm trying to learn and practice myself.

Hang in there, girl.

Me BS 44
Him FWS 45
Married 23 Years
DDay 1 July 2012
DDay 2 Christmas Day 2013 same woman
EA with kissing, very strong bond and talk of leaving spouses for each other.

Posts: 93 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 39439
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 4:30 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I so wish running away would solve it. If that was the case, maybe they could build an island for us????? Then we could all be there together, laugh, cry, drink and forget? Yeah, not likely.

And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1685 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
♀ 30213
Member # 30213
Default  Posted: 5:03 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes...anytime you want to...this knowledge is what keeps me here some days, keeps me trying. I stopped thinking about the future too far in advance...have a plan B.

Posts: 696 | Registered: Nov 2010
♀ 40769
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 5:09 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can definitely take a break. Allow yourself some time to heal you.
Don't think of it as running away- because in the end it will still be there. But putting yourself as priority is key right now.
Everything is a question now- is he sincere? How do I know? Will he stay with it?
I think I am at the point where I need to stop worrying about him so much. He cheated. I couldn't do anything to stop it an I can't erase it. Bottom line is, I cannot control his actions- then or now.
I send you hugs and wish you peace. Hang on, it does get better. Never the same as before, and it may be with or without him- but it will get better

Take care of you. Then worry about your M.
Me- FBS 40
Him- FWS 37
15 years
DD- 14 and DS- 13
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
full truth: November 14, 2013
A: 3 months
Working on R

Posts: 953 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
♀ 40762
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could have written perfect.

BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suggest:

when you find yourself thinking about and analyzing the A, ask yourself what you're feeling - and the answer can only be one or more of mad, sad, glad, or scared.

Thinking doesn't do much for healing from trauma - you've got to work through the feelings.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 70 (22 in my head), Married 45+, together since 1965, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
I'm not an exemplar. I share my own experience because it's all I know.

Posts: 12146 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 8

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