[This message edited by devasted30 at 9:49 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]
Find that connection with yourself first. Find that you find yourself to be one awesome chick. You will exude self confidence, and be happy. Men will fall at your feet, and it will be your choice to connect with them or not.
He did it because he is a sad broken person who will not fix himself. You can't do it for him. What you can do, is make yourself strong, and independent, and happy.
I am so sorry you are hurting. And I believe you are detaching, but you have yourself in limbo...submerged in the hurt and this dysfunction.
You have stated you aren't R'ing.
Honey, you are holding yourself back from that connection, that bond with someone else, that love you could feel again. You can have your 80's movie romance...but you cannot have it staying where you are staying.
get out of your own way... There never is a good time. Jump down to D/S board...there never is a perfect time. The process sucks there as much as it sucks in R. Everyone of us is dealing with infidelity and I don't believe it is easy any which way. I do believe, though, that the hardest place to be would be in limbo....that you are not in R and working through that shit storm trying to salvage something together and you are not divorcing and dealing with those issues on your way to a new beginning.
Do you see what I am trying in the nicest way possible to say to you? You are living in this mess but aren't acting to make a better life for yourself, whether that be a NB or R.
Ostrich, I have read so many of your posts, have read your wisdom and your insight. You are a good person and you deserve to be loved. You deserve to have that new life. Get on with it. It is out there waiting for you.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl
"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."
I think I too miss the connection I had with my wh, I grieve for the person he was, NOT who he has become. I sway between wanting him and absolutely hating him. I have my knees worn out from praying, and now I don't even know what I'm praying for. It all seems so hopeless, why did this have to happen to my two children and me.
I dread Christmas and I so want to make it special for my children, they don't deserve what their father has inflicted upon us. Why is it that he gets to rebuild and have his "fresh start" (his words) and we are left in a million little pieces because of his lies, betrayal and deceit.
I realise this is an ongoing, uphill battle, but I am weary and I can't see the road ahead for the tears.
Gently, get out of your own way.
I agree ^^^^
I am frozen. I cannot seem to make the break. When I try to say the words, its like I'm paralyzed. So I just keep finding one more thing to take care of or finish..excuses..stalling..I know all too well...all of this preparation I'm doing, could go undone, I know but I guess its what I tell myself so I don't have to face the fact that I'm a coward, scared shitless to make a move, so I don't. Most days I can deal, today not so much. I want to hate him so it would be easier but I don't. I know life is passing me by and I'm wasting it. Thanks for the encouraging words.
Honey....I wish I could give you a big hug.
You can be happy again. You can. It will not be with him.
I beg you to go down to NB and to start talking with people down there. Those who have come out on the other side can give you so much support and encouragement. You may start to see that it is safe and ok to make the step.
I am sorry you are hurting today. You are actually hurting everyday it is just that today the hurt broke through the walls you have built up around yourself.
Please. You can do it Ostrich. You can. Start today.
You go down there and make a post... Looking for insight, looking for encouragement, what ever it may be.
Then type your story and put how you have yourself in limbo. Ask them what made them take the next step. Tell them you have been finding excuses..tell them. They will be able to help you. At the very least that will be making a tiny next step. A positive first step.