The OW in my situation lives about an hour from where I live. I've never seen her in person or spoken to her. Neither of us has ever made any contact with each other.
This time last year my stepson was playing a football game in her town. I checked the schedule and obsessed about it for weeks. Would my WH go out there for the football game (he goes to all of his son's games)? Would she go to the game? All I could do was think about ways to keep him from going. I confronted him about it and explained how that made me feel and made me trigger. Blah blah blah. We were both in really bad places then.
Fast forward to last weekend. Stepson is playing a game against the same team but this time the game is out here. And guess what? I didn't even give a fuck. Yes, I checked the schedule at the beginning of the season, but that was it.
I used to spend so much time and emotions trying to put a stop to whatever it was they felt for each other. Trying to make him stop talking to her or thinking about her. It was like all of a sudden I stopped giving a fuck. Granted, a year has passed and there has been no contact between them. However, I find myself not really even caring if there is.
It is the most freeing sensation. I didn't even give it a second thought this weekend. I had a blast with my DS - working on his Halloween costume and going to the museum.
I don't feel like I'm explaining myself very well with this. The feeling of not caring (really not caring, not just saying it) is like breaking out of jail and smelling the fresh air for the first time in years.
Is this what hope feels like? If so, I like it