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Newest Member: Mitzia (61559)

User Topic: 2 Weeks Broken
♀ 41079
Member # 41079
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The last two weeks have been the worst of my life. My husband confessed stating the guilt was killing/eating him up inside. The A lasted 2 months and he just ended it last week. We've been married 9 years, together 14, twin 4 year old boy, just bought a brand new home last year. I'm lost, terrified, confused, sick to my stomach, nervous. Everything is upside down. I have my sons and a career plus one masters class. I fought for my marriage since the night he confessed. You don't walk away from this for someone you've known for 2 months. We are trying to work on our marraige and he says he wants too but we are both so broken right now. He's very depressed and ashamed of what he's done. He can't look at me or touch me because he feels so bad. I believe it but what about me. Watching this is almost worse than the affiar. I've been to 3 counciling sessions so far. Trying to grasp something. He did cut off his A. He struggles talking about anything. He thinks counciling will not help us, only hurt us. He's an engineer-very straight forward. Of course, I feel different. He claims our love will never be the same as it was before the affiar and I think that scares him. I know it will but I tell him it can be better with work and time. I see signs of hope but I'm lost. It's like we are getting to know one another but the pain is so huge right now. How do you go to work everyday? How do I face my boys? How do I face my husband? I find myself worried about him that i'm losing me. Please give me some hope somewhere out there.

Posts: 1 | Registered: Oct 2013
♂ 41070
Member # 41070
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang in there! I just posted here for the first time today. I am very upset, but knowing that there are other people reading about my issues and offering advice makes me feel much less alone.

I am going to let people who have worked through their emotions already offer their advice. I just wanted to let you know I feel for you and know how difficult this is.

Me: BS
Her: WS
Both in mid-40's. Together over 20 years.
Three kids all under 18 years old
D-Day: early September 2013
She is pursuing multiple relationships via online personal ads. Have not yet confronted her.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ 40298
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your marriage will never be the same as before the A, but I can't say that has to be the same for the love you both have for each other. Are you sure his A is truly over.

You cannot force him to go to MC, but you can go to IC. I would encourage him to go to IC on his own, too, to try to figure out why he did this in the first place.

You are only 2 weeks out. Everything is raw. Make sure you are eating, drinking water and exercising as much as you can. Get someone to help you with your boys so the two of you can have alone time to sort things out, or at the very least talk. Communication is key.

Your boys are young enough that they won't know what is going on...only that Mommy and Daddy are very sad right now. Try to keep arguing out of their hearing. Give them extra hugs and kisses.

Work might actually be something to take your mind off of things for several hours a day. I know sometimes people look at work as a welcome distraction.

There will be more advice coming. I just wanted you to know that we are here for you, and I am so glad you found us.

You're only two weeks out. This can take 2-5 years to get to the point where you feel human again. Don't be too hard on yourself.


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 3

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