I think everyone has their own fears, but not everyone allows it to have as much control on their life as I have.
My biggest fear is the unknown. DD1 WH moved out within 2 days, there was no choice but to face the changes, my new reality: he was gone. DD2 things are completely opposite, I am living in limbo land, and for me it's 10 times harder. Each weekend his mixed signals leave me spending the whole week questioning everything.
I fear: divorce, getting a job after not working for two years, being a single mom AGAIN, failure, being alone the rest of my life, being fat forever, not being happy, dying, failing my daughter, not having anymore kids. The list goes on and on, it all comes down to change and acceptance. I AM going to change what I can and accept what I can't.
I have started some changes already such as diet and exercise, and spending more quality time with my daughter.
Today, I am going to fill out my first application. While I fear getting a new job I fear having to move back in with my mom again, if things don't work out, even more.
I am not giving up on my M, but I am going to work towards a better future for myself and my daughter, with or without my M. I can change me, and so I am going to, and I will find a way to embrace change along the way.