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Fear

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mixedintherut posted 10/22/2013 13:54 PM

I think everyone has their own fears, but not everyone allows it to have as much control on their life as I have.

My biggest fear is the unknown. DD1 WH moved out within 2 days, there was no choice but to face the changes, my new reality: he was gone. DD2 things are completely opposite, I am living in limbo land, and for me it's 10 times harder. Each weekend his mixed signals leave me spending the whole week questioning everything.

I fear: divorce, getting a job after not working for two years, being a single mom AGAIN, failure, being alone the rest of my life, being fat forever, not being happy, dying, failing my daughter, not having anymore kids. The list goes on and on, it all comes down to change and acceptance. I AM going to change what I can and accept what I can't.

I have started some changes already such as diet and exercise, and spending more quality time with my daughter.

Today, I am going to fill out my first application. While I fear getting a new job I fear having to move back in with my mom again, if things don't work out, even more.

I am not giving up on my M, but I am going to work towards a better future for myself and my daughter, with or without my M. I can change me, and so I am going to, and I will find a way to embrace change along the way.

silverhopes posted 10/22/2013 14:12 PM

I fear: divorce, getting a job after not working for two years, being a single mom AGAIN, failure, being alone the rest of my life, being fat forever, not being happy, dying, failing my daughter, not having anymore kids. The list goes on and on, it all comes down to change and acceptance. I AM going to change what I can and accept what I can't.

I have started some changes already such as diet and exercise, and spending more quality time with my daughter.

It sounds like you are facing your fears so that they will not stand in the way if change is to come. I think that's very brave of you and also very practical.

It is really sad that your H will not give up the AP and that he keeps giving you mixed signals instead of indicators toward stability. It sounds like you are working to make a stable way for yourself regardless of what he does.

Keep going. You are going to be OK. Healing will take a long time, but you are going to survive. Keep going and keep your head up high, you're doing the right things. Don't give up.

ladies_first posted 10/22/2013 14:55 PM

Here is a WONDERFUL post title "Fear vs Reality"
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=497843&AP=1

Please give it a close read.

Then go out and make each day "a little bit better."

Today, I am going to fill out my first application.

Start here!

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