He's probably in his own first stage of denial, things will fall into place, you did the right thing.
The BS then has to start working backwards, trying to work out what they missed.... the clues that passed them by, the things they didn't realize.... it's a painful process.
[This message edited by hard_yards at 2:50 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]
I told the OBS in my situation. At first he was defensive. Try to remember, you're giving news that no one wants to believe. It's life altering, as you know. I, like others, had to prove that I was telling the truth, as OW had given a very different story about who my husband was. She was lying, and I was able to prove that.
OK, so I told him. He was defensive, but as soon as he accepted the truth, he was very thankful. She was using him, and he tried R. She did it again, and then a 3rd time, this time with it going physical. He caught her at OMs house. He told me he never would have even suspected her and she would have gotten away with all of it.
You did the right thing. There is only one case I've read about where the OBS remains angry with the person that told him, and that's because he liked keeping his head in the sand. My guess is this OBS will soon thank you for giving him the truth about his life - something his wife didn't deem necessary.
And again - I absolutely would want to know. That is why I contacted him - because if he had discovered this, I would have wanted him to contact me.
I too told the OW's BSO. He was shocked and thanked me for the information. However, after reading my WH's emails after false R, I found that she was able to gaslight him and convince him that I was crazy.
Regardless of the outcome, proving the betrayed spouse with information about their life is the right thing to do.
My step-DD called me to tell me her father was cheating, and with whom. At least I did not get angry with her, but I did deny it and say it was not possible, and made excuses for him. Later, I found out it was true. I know it had to be very hard for my step-DD to make that call to me because she is close to her father. She had good reasons to think it was better that I knew and she did the right thing.
The OBS in my situation knew for two years and didn't tell me. It allowed the waywards to continue an EA and continue the emotional abuse to us both. He thought he was protecting when he just prolonged agony.
You did good.
If you have any evidence...call logs,texts,emails,pics,etc,offer to send him a copy of everything.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
